revisions

So here’s this guy, overweight and so unattractive to me because John is - let’s be honest a hunk - or in my mind I think he is a very attractive man. Doesn’t any man who is in love with a woman, and he is at this time, whom sees this taking place with another man, be jealous? Well of course, I realize in retrospect now. But then, it’s just fun for me, so I have no idea that at this moment it drives him away from me. I assure you our miscommunication doesn’t end there though, many things are going in so many directions, with so many factors pulling him away from Edmonton. But this is the challenge for him. Can he get over this rejection? Does he even love me? Is this something he can overlook and forgive? In time, we find out and he discovers this very thing separate from me and we do not actually date in the present as we both hope. So things are tough at first, knowing that we cannot be together at all. And these issues bring lots of pain for him knowing that someone else could date me. Knowing that I might leave him is also a struggle for him. Why do women do this to the man they love? Why do men react so to the woman they love? Well I know that my thinking is he is just a friend, I don’t want the overweight man but I am attracted to only the idea of having a man take interest in me. For me it isn’t that I don’t love John or he doesn’t love me, it is just a matter of putting our connection and love on hold. This sets the course for everything I am looking for in the next five years - to be attached but not be interested or in love with a man. Just freedom. Just being myself. Not controlled. Trusting in each other that this is the right course to take is a challenge because despite all the effort we have already made; things we experience sort of crumbles and are wasted in one decision to part ways. The truth is we both have our reasons for letting go at this time. And conveniently, our reasons are quite the same. Her feelings for John are there. But she thinks it is time for him to go. Deep down no matter how much she wants him, she thinks he is better off alone. They’ve been dating a few months but they’ve crashed here and there and can't get over their grievances. She has a past of developing an angry, weak and calloused heart. She doesn’t want to bring this into a relationship with him right now. She would have to take care of him and she just doesn’t feel like this is plausible if they continue in their relationship. He gets mad at her talking about this all the time and she cant stand his offense about that and many other complicated issues in their relationship. It is her guess that if they continue like this in their relationship things will just fall apart and they’ll continue in their struggles of fighting and blaming each other. And so with these thoughts coming through Whitney’s head, she thinks of all of John’s reasons for letting go. She can think back to one time when he was flirtatious with other women. He would always blame her as though it is her fault for everything. Or the times he has accused her of being too attached and needy at times. Aren’t these all legitimate excuses for wanting to leave her? So would he think in his mind. But every woman knows that every woman has weaknesses and shortfalls, so where one woman may be clingy, another is distant and expressionless. So if you are unhappy with one, another lady will disappoint you in another way. This is John’s own mistake and the mistake that most men make when seeking a mate. They think that life will be better, that another woman they are fishing for will just not be as bad as the last one, but in reality we all have shortfalls. So it is likely that he will see this same pattern happening in his relationships of the future. Why I love him So in Whitney’s head she is already broken up and this makes perfect sense actually. We have discussed all the reasons why they should and it turns out that is the best for them in her mind. But there are things that she will miss and they are concretely related to her past. Like how about her boyfriend trouble in high school a couple of years back. There was a “boy” that she liked and it did not work out. Tall and handsome, though not so much to her anymore, he was the picturesque image of high school stardom. He was outgoing, delightful, had lots of friends and people she could be introduced to. Being handsome to her at the time, she was very compelled to like him. He even invited her out somewhere as a friend. Of course every young girl, if this happens to them, will think the world of that man. But there was nothing there for him. This led her to crying and being found out by a teacher passing by. However, when she met John she opened her arms to him and so did he. It was like the acceptance she needed, being awfully rejected by another. So there are definite thoughts in her mind that suggest this is just her rebound or a chance to get over something. Yet he keeps on loving her through the process of having his own doubts or insecurities. He holds her hand for three months, and actually holds her heart even stronger during this time. She notices about this character that he is tender, gentle and of a caring personality. Due to never seeing this before in another man, she becomes immediately drawn to him. Because most men have a stronger, harsher side to them, at least the ones she has met, she is glued to his gentle, loving and warm heart and soul. She wants that and that is enough to hold onto him even in her darkest hours. Whitney was right all along. She had the right instincts and words to express her true feelings and her thoughts. Sometimes women just know when a guy is playing her. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her or that she is blind in love. Everyone experiences love in different ways. There's the love of needing someone, desiring someone and of course the using someone, and in this case, she needs him. She has an authentic and genuine need for him. She doesn’t realize how dangerous this is to her life, her love life so maybe following her instincts and the reality of it is good. She not only loses him with a broken heart but all her baggage comes with heartbreak as well. Despite all this pain and sorrow, as I said her instincts are correct and he will move on with Michelle. We don’t know the ending, but we know the beginning. Women are glued to that one man. And until the heartbreak subsides, there’s no moving on for real. She will try to, from this guy to that one, but unless the man who breaks you holds you, healing the wounds he started will just not really happen. Many may think this is selfish of Whitney in her thoughts. But she is not at all. How could she think this way? Well for one thing nobody was supporting her. Nobody cares about her in having any feelings for him. Secondly, it is not right to hold onto a man like this. If he says it’s done, it’s done, and he is free to move on. And lastly, if he treats her this way with the other woman, he deserves to not have her back. Right? The only right thing to do was to let him go! And we will see her trying to accomplish this in the relationships that she tries to cling to! Society would say don’t be with a man that you’re not really into. But what about her feelings, her broken heart and her inability to let him go on her own? We need each other in essence and that’s okay. As long as someone is willing to let you in while enduring a very hurting and traumatizing state, then it’s allowed. And we can step back and say to ourselves that Whitney needed these men in her life. And Whitney would not let anyone stop her from doing as she so desired.