goodbye robert

Next, I just felt like it was time to move on from this. I was being ridiculed and looking like the fool, his heart in my hand and the blood of all the mistakes I had made against him before my eyes. I ran up to my room and cried. I felt alone, abandoned and secluded from him and his life! But for now, let me take you back to the first time in which he was to find out that I loved him, I was sorry but still not ready to date him. I saw him one day in the same coffee shop where we met in Edmonton, he was staring at me as he usually does. This was subsequently happening after meeting him on the bus. I knew I had to keep it together, act cool and not do anything drastic so I simply went up to him. I couldn’t believe I was standing in his presence, having a conversation with him as we talked about an upcoming book contest that was happening for Canada Reads. Now I had always thought he was prestigious, having lots of things I don't have, going into medicine and looking as handsome as ever! So I was surprised when he asked me about the contest as though he knew nothing about it! “So what is that?” he asks. I answered, “oh, its just a book contest and they review the books, determining who wins. It's nice that it's Canadian.” That led into talking about other things that I really like to do around the city, and the next thing I brought up was that I wanted to get some musical theatre experience there in Edmonton. He asked me to sit down for a bit. I was about to have a very integral conversation about what would be happening now. “Sarah, Im leaving for a bit.” “Oh”. At this time, I didn’t expect this because I was all wrapped up in how amazing it felt to be near him, to experience life with him – it felt so good! “ya, im taking off so I can clear my head for a bit!” “Oh? Is everything okay?! What are you clearing your head of?” “Well- I’m going off with a…” We would never finish the conversation. He would “take off and clear his head,” I thought. I was so nervous to hear of WHAT WAS GOING TO COME NEXT. “A girl? So there was a possible chance that I was being rejected?!” I thought in my head. Gulp. Bad sigh. The phone rang at that last moment and he said goodbye. I was so confused, I didn’t know everything! I left right away of embarrassment. But my fight was not over. I had every bit of faith that this was going to turn around. Not because of me but because I know he loves me and there was a purpose in all of this. I told myself I wouldn’t cry over another man but this one was different. We have a destiny connection, one that will join us together and any opposition will not prevail!

amy meeting followup

Its funny because youd think in times like these that he would have left me. I mean why is he doing all these things for me? Ive never had a man pursue me to that degree. And now on a bus? When you realize a man like John in all his characteristics loves you, wants you and is willing to admit he was wrong or is simply just looking for your forgiveness, acceptance and love - now that is what I call true love. He has gone to all four corners of the earth for me. He goes with Michelle, he breaks up with her, he comes back to me and is asking for my hand. But unfortunately fear had got the better of me. It was still all new though. I just felt like it was time to to find out more about John. Now that im writing this 8 years since meeting him in Edmonton, I think I was a fool to leave him behind on the bus. But I still wasn’t ready. I just wanted to see him, gaze upon him and most of all, remember that he loves me, is doing this for me and is sorry about all the hurt and pain. But as I saw him, I didn’t care about that anymore, I finally forgave him and wanted him back in my life. “I wish I could go back to that day, Amy and at least say hi, but I was so worried he'd ignore me again, be asked not to talk to me.” The tears started to flow like crazy. “Its just that I love him so much. I've had so many opportunities to leave and I have never taken that route” “But Sarah he's married, why do you care so much about him, don’t you realize that that is wrong?!” “Hun, he was mine, he loved me and although I have no proof, I know that he did.” This statement was just not working out for me to turn people over to my side and support me on this journey. This is what makes it so hard, I don’t trust anyone because it is so hard to say your true feelings. I get shut down even by Amy, who once consoled me for being in love with him earlier in the story. Amy goes on, “My parents got a divorce and now im just concerned for you that you'll never get over him. You don't want to be left alone, do you? One day he’ll have kids, keep posting couple pictures and your heart will break into little bity pieces, you'll have nothing but a memory of him and that will break your heart. At least, go see a psychologist.” That’s what they all say (I say that for real) – go talk to a professional! Well for your information my parents didn’t even force me into that – I asked them to not try and force me and they said “we do not want to do that to you.” Well, that was the last time I saw her, because I was not feeding my faith with her anymore, I was only encouraged to let go, but that was not going to happen as long as he keeps holding onto me and I keep holding onto him. She said she had a similar situation in which a man left her and he would not return her emails, just like me.