meeting amy

Just one night when John was suppose to meet me for coffee, I bumped into an old friend and we talked about our love story.  She remembered how it was when he was away!  We met up at the church for some kind of food drive we were doing and we were picking up another friend.  As soon as we got to her place, we were seriously talking about everything with me as she asked, “Sarah, are you okay? It’s been six months since he has left,” and I just started balling my eyes out because of fear.  “Why do you keep holding onto someone that inevitably doesn’t care because he’s with someone else. “

“Amy, listen, they told me they were just friends and now they’re engaged, but I know he’s coming back for me, that’s what he said!”

“I just can’t let him go,  both of them told me that they were just friends and I told them the only reason I am trusting them is because they are friends. “

“Ya but they’re engaged, he must have changed his mind”

“I know that is the obvious and more reasonable explanation to the situation but I just know it won’t work out, I feel it inside me!”

“How do you know that Sarah, I THINK he’s made up his mind and is moving on, I just don’t want you to be heart broken when you find he doesn’t love you anymore or has truly moved on.”

“Just trust me Amy, everything will work out, I promise you that!”

“Hm,” said my friend.  “Just promise me you will not fill your mind with only him because then you will be not be disappointed if it  doesn’t happen.” The thing is she has been through the same thing but se wasn’t reassured of everything going on, that another woman was just there to support him and be his friend.  A man that she loved reached out to her when she first came to the church and suddenly, as her emotions were building up towards him, he said he had a job opportunity somewhere else.  So naturally she would suggest not getting my hopes up and letting him go.  You see, John never gave me a solid confirmation in an email or anything and just by word of mouth.  Men make these decisions all the time that they promise one thing and do another, she that’s probably her take on it.  She’s sort of more protective than understanding.  I get that, I really understand that.  And I get that people would be concerned about holding onto him as I am.  But, I know what I know and I will never let that go.  Lots of people move on and get on with their lives, meet a new personl, but I just can not, I know he loves me and we’ll be together forever.  All the things he has said to me and all the experiences we’ve had together just don’t go away.  So I guess I’m saying in a situation like this that you find yourself in, keep inside what will offend, get criticized and what people will not understand.  I’ve definitely learned all this the hard way, the hardest way possible.

 

 

 

throwing the bouquet

Now it was time to pass the flowers and see which bride catches it.  “I am going to catch it” said one woman.  She was most likely to catch it because she was the one who would get married next.  Her name is Sherice and her boyfriend was getting ready to get one knee.  It was all a SET UP!! The agreement was I am going to throw it towards her and her boyfriend would walk up behind her after she started showing her friends the flowers.  One girl was like “Show me the bouquet, I want to see how beautiful those flowers are,” another girl going on about how lovely they are going to look in a vase.  Anyway, Justin her boyfriend does not waste any time at all.  Right at the perfect moment, her boyfriend bends his knee before us all and especially for Sherice.  It’s the perfect moment for this!  He says “Sherice you are my night and day. We have been through some moments together.  And everyday my love grows more and more in love with you.  I love your laugh, your tears and everything else that draws us closer.  Please accept my hand in marriage and say “yes”.  He gives her the princess-cut ring, she says yes and he puts it on for her. 

“I cant believe they have been together two months and are already engaged? Hows that for you: it’s a small world and sometimes in that small world perfect people meet each other with the same weirdness, the same taste for things they like and the perfect amount of love for each other.  It’s not like they are teenagers anymore, they are grownups and they can make their own decisions.  Sometimes on life people do stupid things and they may suffer for it but that’s a consequence they have to deal with. (said one friend of Sherice).  Others may say well they know they love, cherish and support one another, so they're getting married.  Another friend says, you are all wrong, true love can not be detected until it had been tried out.  How does one know of the future without first studying the present.  I want to see everything about my partner, the man that I love, before being asked to marry.  How else will there be respect, love and dedication in a marriage, between an engaged couple.  I don’t understand, said another girl, a cousin of Sherice, how you can all stand here and judge whether this lady who caught the flowers could actually be engaged, she does not know who she is with him in her life so soon, she has not tasted the rest of the world and what it has to offer, what if it doesn’t work out for all these reasons. Well it will work out because God is in it and if He be in it no one can put it asunder. This means that if indeed this is the case that God is in it, the marriage will not fail.

The wedding

When I got all the girls together, dressed up with our hair done, makeup and dresses I couldn’t have prepared enough for this moment. I was about to marry the love of my life, John.  Sitting down on a chair as my hair was blow dried and ready to go into the a fancy bun (It’s the only style that would suit my dress, covered in lace at the back, so that guests could see the handiwork).  Nobody really knows unless you’ve been married just how much work it is to put this together.  But as I contemplated just how much work it came to mind, just how hard John has worked with me up until this point. It was enough to know something, anything.  I don’t like doing things myself but if someone is doing it with me I am happy. So I am glad that I see John sitting there one day exhausted from work, as I have been.  We are in this together and I am stronger than yesterday in being ready for a hard-working marriage.  

Once the dress was on with the garter, the veil that stretched ten feet back (as long as the back of the dress), I knew that I was in reality.  This is my reality, I’m going down the aisle now, the girls are already making their way down. Behind me was the back of the dress spread along its 10 foot distance, which my youngest sister set out for me before leaving as a bridesmaid.  The veil is a symbol to me of the sanctity and humility of the beautiful woman over which it heaves.  There is only one man who will remove it from my face, and that is the man I am about to meet as the doors open and the beauty of the moment is revealed.  I’m not nervous anymore, I’m not stressed, he’s there, I’m there, we have officially declared our love and commitment to each other as the walking down the aisle symbolizes that commitment.  We see each other, and that beautiful gaze between now woman and man means that physical declaration is about to come.  How can I prepare enough for this moment? I’ve always said that my wedding is the most important day of my life and now as I step from regular single life to marriage, it’s not about me, it’s for him, my life and everything.  May God bless this moment and the moment to come forever and ever.    

He’s staring at me in those big, huge eyes, with a smile on his face.  I would see him dressed as a married man in just 15 minutes, and I would always envision him as my husband.  You see it’s not really about what you do in this moment, other than the vows because they represent god’s blessing in making them a reality.  I know the material, work and money is so important and is a reason we’re getting married, but it does not make the marriage last.  A wedding is beautiful, but it is the hearts and lives exemplifying true love that makes the wedding and marriage beautiful.