first discussion with Amy

It was a clean slate for me. This would be a new beginning, and I thought that meant another boyfriend, someone to move on with me. But I didnt know what to do anymore, John was the only man I ever met that I always had a strong connection to. Maybe that’s why I was willing to wait for him those 5 years. But my friend Amy, and this actually did happen in real life, told me she didn’t believe that he actually loved me. I broke down in tears one day in the early stages of their relationship, the two people who took off without me. I just kept saying “I know he loves me, I know I should wait.” She could have sat right there speaking the truth, that he’s left and that I should move on because obviously it was hurting me enough to cry, I was crying out REAL tears of fear, neglect, abandonment, doubt, lack of grace. I didn’t think I was worth it, like “why would he want to hear from me,” kind of thing. “Then why can’t you move on. He left, you’re crying over him, I would leave.” But I couldn’t. You see, Amy was so adamant about leaving him because she has the same thing happen to her. There was a man at church, a church I was also attending at first. They had sparks, Amy and Him, but he left and she told him in an email, “I hope all the best for you.” I guess she was seeing my situation with the same eyes. She thought he didn’t love me and I did not have ANY EVIDENCE THAT HE LOVED ME. I had no proof, just my heart and my determination to believe in him. As far as she and I could see, he decided on someone else and I should naturally just let go. “I can’t Amy,” I said. “I did not come all this way, know him for years, meet him here and let him go again just because he’s sworn to simply be vacationing with this long time friend named Sandra. See what I mean? All my labour will be in vain. I’ve done so much to get here and I’m not letting any woman take my place. I’m standing in the gap for him, fighting for him in thought, word and deed, to make sure I’m the only woman he loves.” I did not know it at the time but my prayers, my thoughts, my deeds, were standing to make sure that no one takes anything from him that belongs to me, including his body, mind and soul! So I told her I’ll be fine and thank you very much for not judging me because as much as I cry, I know its for him and he's for me! And I told her I know you mean good, have THE BEST OF INTENTIONS, but I’m going to be okay! I just needed a friend’s shoulder to cry on! "Take care" I said to her. And she dropped me home that day.

damn girl

When I was sitting next to this woman, I knew there was something mysterious about her. I never liked her, she’s seriously the kind of woman that was always that way with me. Poking into everyones business and though people like that I realized one night when she was talking to my man that this hate was being carried on a deeper level. She became not just a person that I had seen around at the salon, getting her hair done sometimes at the same time as me but that now she was entering the realm of my love affair with him. Im not going to sit here and let another girls urges interfere with mine. Like GIVE ME A BREAK, OVER MY DEAD BODY would I ever allow that! When she started doing this to him, her sweetness started to come out, and I was thinking, get out of here bitch, get off my man, or her sheer laughing and hysterical amusement of my past with him. Can you imagine me telling someone in confidence that I am in love with a man involved with another person (not with this girl) and it is almost immediately clear to that girl that she can laugh, act sweet to him and although I never told her not to, behave as though he was hers already when he was mine, clearly! This all happened at first in this hair salon! She was sitting down and I was ready to get up and a dialogue between us started! It was a “hey hello how are you doing, haven’t seen you in a while” kind of relationship. Flawless, priceless and something that I never thought would backfire, right? How could she, this woman I knew of that was now in front of my hair salon chair as becky did my hair now like for the umpteenth time and she all of a sudden, a church attender, was now standing before me as the person who would try to tear jon and I apart. You never know how much you will bleed, how much pain this involves, how much another woman loving your man, your future, your husband, can take a toll on you!! Im not writing this to give her the recognition she is seeking, im writing it to put my voice out there, to tell other people, namely younger women just how dangerous girls like this are and can steal from them, and if you have lost your man to her, that that was sure a loss that you could have won. Now this is not about me, I will never lose to her, but if you have then I am truly sorry and think that I am here, writing this for you because someone else did not see the value that is you, to try and win your man! This book is definitely about me, it is my personal life, but it is much more so for that type of girl, beautiful, attractive, INSIDE AND OUT, but whom did not have the confidence, drive and know-how in dealing with a girl like her! You are beautiful, driven, you have countless talents and know that God has blessed you with these wonderful things with a purpose in mind, that you will crush your opposers with the excellence of a beautiful hand. May your prince charming manifest after reading this book! Love you guys!