first discussion with Amy

It was a clean slate for me. This would be a new beginning, and I thought that meant another boyfriend, someone to move on with me. But I didnt know what to do anymore, John was the only man I ever met that I always had a strong connection to. Maybe that’s why I was willing to wait for him those 5 years. But my friend Amy, and this actually did happen in real life, told me she didn’t believe that he actually loved me. I broke down in tears one day in the early stages of their relationship, the two people who took off without me. I just kept saying “I know he loves me, I know I should wait.” She could have sat right there speaking the truth, that he’s left and that I should move on because obviously it was hurting me enough to cry, I was crying out REAL tears of fear, neglect, abandonment, doubt, lack of grace. I didn’t think I was worth it, like “why would he want to hear from me,” kind of thing. “Then why can’t you move on. He left, you’re crying over him, I would leave.” But I couldn’t. You see, Amy was so adamant about leaving him because she has the same thing happen to her. There was a man at church, a church I was also attending at first. They had sparks, Amy and Him, but he left and she told him in an email, “I hope all the best for you.” I guess she was seeing my situation with the same eyes. She thought he didn’t love me and I did not have ANY EVIDENCE THAT HE LOVED ME. I had no proof, just my heart and my determination to believe in him. As far as she and I could see, he decided on someone else and I should naturally just let go. “I can’t Amy,” I said. “I did not come all this way, know him for years, meet him here and let him go again just because he’s sworn to simply be vacationing with this long time friend named Sandra. See what I mean? All my labour will be in vain. I’ve done so much to get here and I’m not letting any woman take my place. I’m standing in the gap for him, fighting for him in thought, word and deed, to make sure I’m the only woman he loves.” I did not know it at the time but my prayers, my thoughts, my deeds, were standing to make sure that no one takes anything from him that belongs to me, including his body, mind and soul! So I told her I’ll be fine and thank you very much for not judging me because as much as I cry, I know its for him and he's for me! And I told her I know you mean good, have THE BEST OF INTENTIONS, but I’m going to be okay! I just needed a friend’s shoulder to cry on! "Take care" I said to her. And she dropped me home that day.