friendship gone

Anyway, I went back to work, voicing the situation to my coworker, Jane, and she had an earful for me to listen to. You know her, always on the rejecting end of a woman’s desire to work out a relationship. She’s the voice of reason, giving you any reason to suspect why it shouldn’t work out. I cant help it I told her, after all her babbling on about why I should leave and forget about him. Why is it that society values perfection, in the form of joy, love, peace and good life. IN relationships, this is almost impossible to find. So I go on. Come on Jane, what relationship is perfect. Ya but he left you, Sarah. And you said so yourself, I did not, that if he comes back after being with a woman he loves, hes a gonner! I know I have that in my heart deep down, but the distance Jane, it has made him fonder to me. Don’t you get it? And do you think that when your guy makes a mistake, do you think hes man enough to admit it and move on. I mean like what if that’s all that’s required to move on in the relationship, move past all the shit we both have done to each other. Ya but don’t blame yourself, its his fault. Well its not all his fault actually, but I wont be disclosing what I have done to deserve this. Like I know that what hes done to me is awfully wrong, and is nothing compared to what hes done to me, but I cant keep blaming him. Why not she says, look she says, I’m not an expert at relationships, been divorced twice, cant keep a guy on a date with me without telling him something that is off, but I know this: men do not change and they will go back to their old ways once hes gotten through the wedding for that one special thing. How do you know? He cant change!? Just because he behaved awful and is awful at just about everything hes done to retaliate against me for stuff ive done, does not mean that change is out of sight. All Im saying to you, the voice of reason at everything, is that there is a way and there can be a way if two people that made mistakes and love eachother are willing to admit that they love eachother and are going to work on themselves for the very reason that they want to spend the rest of their days loving eachother and continuing to do that. This reason thing that you got going on Jane is not enough. It’s not gonna make you or I fall in love in a healthy relationship. I mean, it’s part of it all, you have to face the truth, you must be honest and embrace the things that work and don’t work in all actuality. But love does not stop there. It picks itself up when the love honestly feels like its worth it. It loves, it protects, it cheriches when it seems hopeless. ok so lets leave it at that and realize love is real but it is also about the grace you can give to your partner when they have messed it all up! With that, they hugged and Jane said, “hmm, thats all idealistic to me like its never going to happen to me, but if you wanna believe that it’s your prerogative and I will still support you in that if you want” “And I do believe in that, but im not asking you to believe me, im just saying, believe that for me bc that’s what I believe in.” “so you actually think a man can leave you and all the odds point to him staying faithful to you after all you’ve been through.” “Yesssss, I believe in him and he believes in me, we actually realize all the hurt was there to protect us, to move us closer to each other, because instead of having a heart of stone we used our lives to display that love in certain ways. I know you don’t understand this part of my life and love life but hes come back and wants me back.” “Well that is completely and irrevocably up to you. Yes ive had some bad breaks in relationships but I know a thing or two. and what I know and have learned about men is true. I just hope in this case that youre right and that youre lucky enough to believe what you are saying about him....what does he have to say about everything? About the whole situation? “He says hes sorry and he wont do it again.” “But how can you just trust and believe in this after everything, i mean arent you worried hell leave again? Because that would be my biggest fear.” “I don’t worry about it and neither should you. This is my relationship and not yours and you should stop attacking everything im trying to see restored. I believe in it and anyone who attacks it and doesn’t believe in it im just removing them from my life so don’t even start with me on your bad experiences, it happened to you, its not happening to me.” And that was the last conversation we had about us, and that was enough for Jane and I to live separate lives, I didn’t know how long it was going to take and or if id ever see her again but I realized deep down, life was a pit of hell before he left me, and I didn’t want to live in that state of regret any longer, so her negative comments were no longer invited into my life again.