shoppers drug mart

So off I went on my day off of work and these thoughts were going through my mind, thoughts of forgiveness and letting go, even though I knew I would have John back. When a woman is going through this, she feels defeated, ruined, like she messed up everything. I felt broken and helpless, like I could not do anything to correct the problem. This was the biggest problem, not in doing something about it which is why at this time I stayed in the city I was in, but not getting what I was looking for in John. I know I had to let go of the hurt. But I just couldn’t AND I couldn’t stop wondering, why did he leave me?? But my nature is and was very simple. I would always run away from my problems and if I got hurt, I would be angry and run away from the person that hurt me! I am sure that so many people out there can relate to this. I think the biggest problem was that I wanted him so bad. I left a person I did not love and I was looking for the next step to be with a man. This does not mean I was chasing him or men, I was quite contend to be on my own. And then you know the story, he met me at chapters and the story goes on. I was sitting at the same coffee shop where John and I had met. It was a bright sunny day in the summer. I loved going to Starbucks where they had the best hot chocolate to date I have ever tasted in the history of coffee shops. A gentleman came waltzing in and immediately his eyes met mine. And I will say that there is not one man including this one in present or in the past that ever struck me as being more handsome than my man. Anyways, he walks in and I just say my name and walk away. I was starting to feel like I was having validation from men that I am beautiful, that I’m worth their attention, I have value to them and that’s exactly what was happening. However, on the other side of the equation was this longing and I was missing my man. One night I put on some really sexy clothing and I saw him at the shoppers drug mart as he was leaving and he stopped to talk to me. In the moment, it felt amazing and as though he valued me, looking in my eyes and flattering me with talk about my outfit and how beautiful I was. “I should be happy,” I thought, to myself but I am not. I am a ship wrecked on the course of a body of water asking to be on land, about to drown if I do not find my way out of this mess of my life. It’s as though I am stuck and trying to get out but shore is way beyond the water ways. There is no one around to which I can call but I have to keep this boat travelling in the storm as best as I can. So I just walked away from him without an answer because I knew who was waiting for me.

I hv always wanted to be the trophy wife, beautiful and loving, caring for her husband. I’ve dreamt of long, hand-held nights walking along the crust of a walkway, surrounded by water in the strong, brisk night, looking into each others eyes taking in every breath, every moment, where you are here with me. I will walk there with you and gaze upon it’s beauty - love. It stands tall like the beauty of its face. I can not wait to hold it, grasp its intimate feeling and it’s closeness! In it I see love, I hear it and it cries out for more as your lips touch mine and I look in your eyes. I wanted it to be me a thousand times more, the way you touched my face, caressed me, and gazed upon my glistening face. I have always wanted to take you to a special place in my heart! To take care of you making sure you had the meals only you wanted! I would start preparing supper and you would be there asking me what was for dinner! I would say lusciously that it is your favourite whatever that may be, come and taste of the feast I would prepare! Only me your wife would treat you this way, wanting to give to you the touch of my hands through the blessing of feeding you, in a way that only I can fulfill, administer for you. And as your tummy grumbles at the thought the sight the experience of seeing me cook your favourite meal, your hands would pour upon me my great favour for you love the feel and shape of me in ways only you n I share! Honey taste of my youthful goodness. Be the light that I am so very attracted to and come into me. There you will find solace and sweetness, only you can see and touch. I have kept this hidden for years from other suitors to taste the goodness of the lord and our love! Many nights I have tossed and turned longing for it! Come touch me and show me your affection, like the new lilac blossoms beckoning for you and I to share in such lovely embrace! You are mine and I am yours! Love your wife Sarah

the reason why

When he was gone for some time, I was left to my own imagination as to when he would come back, everyone telling me that he was with Michelle and advising me that he was moving on. His facebook profile would declare to me that I did not have a chance with him. But I was stronger than that, more fierce than that, never letting go until the right time in which I would face him. However, I would not look like a desperate lover (there is nothing to prove that we are lovers). I would hold on to him the way he promised he would as well, in his gestures, in his promise, in his hellos and goodbyes in every departure and in every entrance back into his life. Do you think that after all these years that I would let go? And I never thought it would come to this, seriously. I just want to say that I never thought he would do this to me, that he would not only leave me but break his promise and get married to Michelle. Now prior to all of this happening, in this big huge drama, at a time when they, Michelle and John were dating, I understood where my heart was one day when I listened to the radio. This time, love was reflected in the forgiveness, courage and absolute dedication that a woman was professing to a man. She had endured days of weeping, crying, hoping things would turn around, much like what I was going through at this time! For me, my beloved was with another woman. How devastating this was for me! The long and short of it is that he left with another woman at first and came back to her, apologizing, professing his love for her, and wanting her back. I’m not blaming him, im not sympathizing with her over him, I just knew in my heart that if John is doing the exact same thing to me, the answer would be a big, fat no from me. Why? Why would I reject him at this point for taking off with a friend like that and then coming back to me at his own convenience. Well because, that woman on the radio had forgiven him and I was determined not to do the same if I had the same circumstances of weeping over a man I loved admired and cherished. Not only that, he leaves the woman he comes back to for another one, loving her, wanting her and expressing his love to her- so there was definite, real, sincere love going on here. Who wants to feel like second-best, a man’s pride, deceit and arrogance because another woman had different and competing traits that he seems to like better for a time. Why would I want this? I would never allow myself to be the recipient of a man’s love who left one woman, only to be misled by his own indiscretion and realizing he was actually going back to his bride. With me?? Women do not want to feel like they are second best but valuable in the eyes of one man and not another.

an argument

So before we said goodbye, I asked John a few questions and off he went! “Yes honey, if you want to explore more go ahead, though I am going to miss you.” John is a doctor and that will keep him busy while I am gone. “Your family’s doing good then honey, I miss them so much.” “Sarah, you know how they are, they sit around eating Italian food, work, hang out with friends and family! Those are all our values and so that is how they are." “You don’t have to be defensive and upset! I’m simply asking how they are doing. You are always like this, whenever I ask about them. What are you so upset about?! That I’m not coming with you; like deep down in your heart of hearts what is causing you to act this way?! I’m simply now a fiancé caring about your family and asking for an explanation.” “Sarah, I am a little agitated with you. It just seems like it’s all about you. We just got engaged and I’m happy about that but I am always catering to you! For once could you just be happy with us, with who we are. We’ve had this lovely time and you are wanting to stay longer! And as nice as it is, you still want to know if my family is well as if they are not already!” “The family? I don’t understand since I am simply asking as a kind gesture to want to find out that they are well” “It bothers me because you’re not coming with me, you’re asking about them, but if you would be just content, knowing that we’ve had a lovely time, and you wouldn’t even have to ask because you would be with me!” “John, it’s just a few days more, it’s not going to hurt us financially. Your family are fine without me there and so are you.” “Oh so you’re going to flip this on me and place the blame on me. I am hurt because this is the real you, who you are. You always want to put the spotlight on yourself. Just come with me baby, and everything will be alright. We’ll cancel the flight you were going to take, the place you're staying at, and we will be all happy and smiles. I always support you, I just want us to be together, I do not want to be apart anymore. Please come with me. Do you understand and agree with me?” “Well when you put it that way, why not? I am so easily convinced with you. I don’t want you to think it’s all about me, and we just got engaged, so I do not want you to be mad at me. I’m just interested in taking a last look.” “Well if that’s what you want and you’re not avoiding me, fine, but I still think we should go! Let’s tell everyone about our engagement and have some fun with it! Would you like to have an engagement party, because everyone is going to celebrate with us. You see, its not about all this stuff you see here, it's about us, humans, love between each other, commitment and having a great time together. THERE WILL BE MANY MORE TIMES TO COME!” “Okay," I said, "when you spill it out that way,... I’ll come!” “We love each other, let’s not put it off any longer. Time to celebrate with other people and not just ourselves.”

the dinner and gondola ride

So as we were finishing up our supper that we just had at the restaurant, John and I were getting ready to take our tour bus to the gondola area. We board the bus and when we got off of it, we go where we had already discussed with the tour guide. The water was beaming like as though there was gods own hands calming the storm at sea! I have to say that when we are back home, I often see the stillness in a little lake that we often walk to, and so this calmed my heart and soul as it took me back, but also beautiful here, to my hometown! There was a boat sitting on the canal, waiting for us as he started to serenade us with song! We get into the boat, we sit on comfortable seats, and the gondola takes off! Very bright colored and light colored homes are all around us, including apartments, and I point them out as we keep going, saying, “Oh honey, look at this one, look at that one.” “sit down he says, you’re going to hurt yourself!” When suddenly, as he grabbed my hand to sit down, saying, “honey, you are the light of my life.” “Yes i know jon, we have been together many years!” “NO, honey, you don’t understand!” “I look at him now as he kneels on both knees (otherwise he would fall using only one knee), as he continues, this time I am listening to him, “Like I was saying my love, I love you, you are my light, my strength and everything that I could currently need in life. And I hope i can make you say yes to me because I would love for you to be my bride, my wife, the love of my life!” Then, he pulls out the ring. As I start to cry, he’s smiling at me as I say, “yes honey, yes!” He puts on this big rock of a ring, everything I’ve ever wanted, a round stone covered in diamonds around it, the band was made of 18k white gold. We were both smiling and both having a great time as I stretched out my hand to the man driving the gondola, to which he said, “Ah, beautiful” (in Italian language)! I got to say I was not expecting such a surprise, we had that argument (discussion) yesterday and it kind of put me in a bad mood, but my then boyfriend and fiancé now, has proposed to me and I have got to say it can not be any better than this now! I got to say, he also is my everything, I love everything about him--hes strong, faithful and always there me. I think he’s just a little pushy sometimes but perhaps that’s just one little sacrifice I have to deal with! I really like a man that is a go-getter, he goes after what he wants, just like my other boyfriend, but this time be just does that a bit more!

a night out!

“I am not here to discuss it further, you seem to have a different opinion than me. I don’t need to see extravagance, I’m a simple person, pizzas and grapes and wine bottles that yes I can get elsewhere are the basis for my excitement.” When suddenly the tour guide was ready to take us on a bus to see the very many sides of Italy. We passed by churches as we crossed through the architectural side of Venice! There were about 25-30 people that were on that bus. We met Mary from England, a Scott from Scotland and a lady from Rome who was here to help with the tour guiding named Francesca. She is a very respectful lady and had a lot of knowledge of course of the region in Venice. When we got to the gondola part of the tour, which was just slightly on its way to a restaurant where we would mingle and get to know the tour guides, we stopped to view a couple who was travelling on it. Francesca said that man riding the gondola for them had been doing this for years. The song that he was singing is called “Volare.” He also had a musician playing the accordian, along with the singer. I asked the gondolier a question. He said, “Yes, I can”. Well we passed onto the restaurant where we were to meet all the members of our Italy/Greece trip. We were asked to sit down in the designated seats so John and I had ours. The tour guide gets up to the front to introduce himself as tour guide Victor. “Welcome, he says to everyone, “We are very glad you’re here. You are going to have the time of your life in areas you’ve never seen before and it is going to blow you away. We will save the details for when we get there to all the beautifcul places that you will see. For now, when I call your name, please stand up and introduce yourself or -selves if you are with your spouse or friend or family member! As John got up and introduced himself and his girlfriend to the crowd, all that Sandra could muster to think of was that this is my man and I am so blessed to have him! He says, “This is my lovely girlfriend Sandra. We come from Canada and we are very glad that we are in the heat,” teasing all the friend and families at home who enduring harsh Canada winter! As the other members were getting to stand up and discuss all relevant stories of themselves, John was thinking about the gondola ride right after supper that he was looking forward to being on, as he told me! “Now I don’t know why you're thinking of that now when we are having a relaxing and comfortable ride here, with the food and company we are currently having !” “Yes, honey," he says to me!

Venice with my husband

On the tour between Italy and Greece it was an extraordinary trip. As the tour bus finally got us to travel Venice, Rome and Florence, the Italian part of the trip, I was particularly interested in all the fantastic food choices we would be given. It came with 12 breakfasts, 12 hotel stays and I got to say this part of the trip is my favourite. Food is like an art and I am very excited to share it with you. We also admired historic churches, winding canals in Venice to start, and picture perfect piazzas in Venice, known as the queen of the Adriatic seas. As you can see we had ample time to complete our tour when my husband had joined me the last 7 days of the trip as I discussed already the owner of where I was staying, extended our stay another 5 days. As my husband and I were talking about our trip and what we most looked forward to, he said he would like to see all the ancient buildings and immediately I thought of the churches. “The St. Marks Basilica has very religious and public life significance. Many people mainly tourists come to view its splendour. It is also a testament to the wealth and power of the serene Republic of Venice,” I said to him! “What are you looking forward to doing Sandra?” “Probably the food. But I would start with the wineries. I love picking from the vines and gathering them to be crushed and finally made into wine.” "Honey, that’s so plain, everybody knows about that. What about the magnificent hills and valleys known to Italy?" "John, thats my favourite, what can I say? I love the process, I love transferring and using and modifying things into different stages as you can do with the making of wine. It’s not about the finished product for me, like wine and structures that you love (churches) and seeing a suberbly made pizza in its final stage. In my mind, what is most important is the steps, gathering the sauce, the cheese, the pepperoni that creates the final product, know what I mean?" Honey we can get pizza and wine at home, but to see architecture, made from years ago, especially with the Basilica which we saw first online with its beautiful half-circle formation on its top and its beautiful white color that surrounds it all over." "I get your point but I cherish things that are new to me, things I’ve never learnt. How am I suppose to take home a castle looking church, I never will and that make seeing it even more profound because I can not take it home. You can take home your fresh Italian wine and well a pizza, they’re all the same thus making it not so important. The history of the church, their wealth, their people, are all represented in that building; the people that made it, the hands that crafted it, the leaders that it is based on, are all very significant things!" said her husband!