shoppers drug mart

So off I went on my day off of work and these thoughts were going through my mind, thoughts of forgiveness and letting go, even though I knew I would have John back. When a woman is going through this, she feels defeated, ruined, like she messed up everything. I felt broken and helpless, like I could not do anything to correct the problem. This was the biggest problem, not in doing something about it which is why at this time I stayed in the city I was in, but not getting what I was looking for in John. I know I had to let go of the hurt. But I just couldn’t AND I couldn’t stop wondering, why did he leave me?? But my nature is and was very simple. I would always run away from my problems and if I got hurt, I would be angry and run away from the person that hurt me! I am sure that so many people out there can relate to this. I think the biggest problem was that I wanted him so bad. I left a person I did not love and I was looking for the next step to be with a man. This does not mean I was chasing him or men, I was quite contend to be on my own. And then you know the story, he met me at chapters and the story goes on. I was sitting at the same coffee shop where John and I had met. It was a bright sunny day in the summer. I loved going to Starbucks where they had the best hot chocolate to date I have ever tasted in the history of coffee shops. A gentleman came waltzing in and immediately his eyes met mine. And I will say that there is not one man including this one in present or in the past that ever struck me as being more handsome than my man. Anyways, he walks in and I just say my name and walk away. I was starting to feel like I was having validation from men that I am beautiful, that I’m worth their attention, I have value to them and that’s exactly what was happening. However, on the other side of the equation was this longing and I was missing my man. One night I put on some really sexy clothing and I saw him at the shoppers drug mart as he was leaving and he stopped to talk to me. In the moment, it felt amazing and as though he valued me, looking in my eyes and flattering me with talk about my outfit and how beautiful I was. “I should be happy,” I thought, to myself but I am not. I am a ship wrecked on the course of a body of water asking to be on land, about to drown if I do not find my way out of this mess of my life. It’s as though I am stuck and trying to get out but shore is way beyond the water ways. There is no one around to which I can call but I have to keep this boat travelling in the storm as best as I can. So I just walked away from him without an answer because I knew who was waiting for me.