love story3

So off we went to Central park one day as a date and it was all his idea. We had been there several times together, I loved the walk through the park and I brought Emma my dog with me. He had become the man I always dreamed of. He had a good job, he treated me right and every glance and look of love I have to say are the reasons I said yes. Yes, down on one knee he got and I can't tell you how amazing it felt. To be asked by him, to adore a person like this and for it to work is heaven’s blessing to me! Of course Emma was in on the whole event, trying to jump up at him when he got on one knee. She barked a few times and I had to hold her back, I WANTED TO BE THE ONE THAT GOT A KISS FROM MY NOW FIANCE. “I WANT TO SAY THAT YOU ARE MY WOMAN. I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOU FROM THE MOMENT WE MET. You are bright and intelligent, you are burning with qualities that I love – your loyalty, drive, compassion and love. And it doesn’t stop there, you have a sparkling and enthusiastic way about you that I want to live with for the rest of my life. How can I find someone as talented as you? You write, you sing, you read books and I am convinced that you can do anything you put your mind to! After all that, and I could go on about family, friends, other accomplishments about how wonderful you are, but I must end here and ask you, honey, I want to be with you forever and I want to ask you if you will marry me.” “Yesssss, yes, a thousand times I say yes. Haven't I already said this a million times?” “Ha ha,” they laughed together, and he put the ring on her finger, and she danced for joy, and as he leaned in for a kiss, they both felt like the luckiest humans on the face of the earth! I don’t know whether to say the going back home to life where all their families and friends were quite as exciting as this, but they were both excited to see them all down the road. They called Sandra’s mom first, whom screamed on the phone, in Sandra’s ear that she had to remove it from getting too close to her ear. Of course, she could rely on her mom telling everybody! Next thing you know, she was getting texts from her best friends, aunties and uncles, sisters and brothers saying a great congratulations! Of course also, parties were already being planned to celebrate their engagement, etcetera! She felt so good about this and since this was going to work out this time, it felt just right! She didn’t regret anything, even though they had some bumps in the road along the way, and thanks to their commitment and love for each other, nobody, absolutely nobody, was in the way!

lovestory2

I wanted to be in this moment forever, where I am his and he is mine. It doesn’t really matter to me what he did in the past, it's about what we do now and where we are going. I've learned it does not matter because sometimes we don’t have control over the circumstance. You really can't control for example if you love someone, the feelings will just naturally flow out and your loyalty, faithfulness and love will stand no matter the obstacles. Do I think that love is inevitable even in the face of abuse and catastrophe, where you lose your soul and everything you’ve fought for to get to the place of love? No. But some things you lose along the way, some things stay with you and it helps you in your future. That’s what I'm talking about in this book, some things ae worth letting go and some are not, but the things you hold onto they are with you forever because they grasp upon a piece of your soul, heart, life that you don’t want to lose, or let go. So maybe that’s why I held onto him that long. Why I stayed with him all those years we were apart. There's something about him that sparks my interest. He's eccentric, full of life and passion, something I'm so attracted to in him, of course we share so many positive and wonderful things that we like and that builds connection. He can be hard on me, say things he shouldn’t, neglect me for himself, but those are all forgivable things that happen in any relationship, right? He’s right here with me now, now that Michelle is gone! And he’s standing in front of me right now as I write this to the reader. With all the pain, with all the sorrow, how could I go on, how could in let him in? Do you mean, doesn’t that hurt, isn't that the hardest part, letting in again after being so devastated at his departure and questionable things he's done to me? Love. Because I love him and I always knew he could come back. No, I don’t think it’s the hardest things to do as a couple. It’s the most courageous. Letting him know that I loved him was the hardest thing to do. Because of the risk of rejection, that made it really scary and hard but the most exciting of all experiences. So I'm not sitting here saying life and love are perfect. I have forgiven. He has fallen so short of my hopes some days. But love doesn’t stop there. It has to keep going, it needs a home, a place to rest, to feel safe and belonged. It’s not enough to have the most money, even the most love, but it has to be found in a place of comfort, joy and true contentment. That’s love. Because that’s where you truly belong and thrive. So we got married in a place of comfort instead of a place of plenty.

Love story1

When he called me one night, he had cleared the air. He promised he would never go back to her, his promise was sure and his feelings were gone. So I decided that’s it, I trust him. So here I was talking now to the man I always wanted! 'He’s a good guy,' I thought. Despite all the wreckage and the hard times together over the past six months, we were off to a great start. “Honey, I want you to know that that part of my life with her is gone. I released myself from it and I am fully focusing on you. It’s just hard to move on sometimes, even though she’s with someone right now. She says she’s over us and I say the same. There is nothing to worry about, when I say I just talk to her about life. We never have anything to say about love, where we went wrong and what it could have been because she and I are both moved on and happy in our new relationships.” “I get it,” I said. “Then why do you need to talk to her? She probably doesn’t even care about you anymore and doesn’t feel the need to keep in touch, maybe that’s just you and you should let her go.” “I know its weird, but it’s the truth about her and I. I don’t care about her and she doesn’t care about me. Let’s stop talking about this and move on. What’s done is done. It’s off my chest now and we can focus on ourselves. Let’s go out for dinner tonight and not think about it anymore.” So we did that night and we had a fabulous time. “Honey, you look so good and I am so glad that you are here with me. It means the world to me that you are here. What more could I want out of life, but to have you here sharing this moment with me.” “Me too,” I said. I’ve wanted nothing more than being with a man that loves only me and who will give me all his love and attention. I can’t tell you how amazing I feel that you love me and have chosen me to sit here across from this table and tell me such wonderful things about your heart. I’ve dreamed of exquisite places like this fancy restaurant and how you look amazing and sharp tonight in your dressy shirt and vest. Did you know I have always admired that about you, how you make an effort to look good?” “Well, thank you Sandra, I mean it that you are such a special and important person to me, in my life. It’s like I never loved her or anyone else the way that I love you. It’s hard to express any of my feelings for you, I JUST KNOW YOU'RE HERE AND IT MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE. I'm so excited to see how our lives mesh together and make something so wonderful and beautiful for the world to see.”

counsellor

I took this information home that night and I felt much better. Janet can be such a life-saver sometimes. Well most of the time. Psychologists just have this way of being encouraging. I've been to others as well, in their offices. I was talking to one in particular, she always focused on the solution and not the problem. My brother had been bugging me to get some advice and counselling for something going on in my ilfe, he could tell I was distressed and just needed some counselling. I was never one for people hearing my problems, I mean “I felt like why should I burden people with my problems,” I told him. He was still very adamant of seeing one. I got the impression from him it is always very freeing and liberating to talk to someone and hear them supporting you and bringing light to your dark situations. So I went to see one this time even after talking to Janet. I felt I could go on longer and get some advice. I felt like I was trapped, locked in a relationship I could not get out of. I mean, I love him and all, but his relationships, while loving me was getting just too weird for me. People around me besides Janet were telling me to let him go and move on to another relationship. So I went to see this lady. I told her about the relationship. She was cool about it like Janet. “Well she says, sounds like a nice guy trying to figure some things out. He also seems as though he’s searching but still wanting that connection with you. So I want to get your opinion and feelings about him, to get on the same page as you, clearly. Are you ready?” she says. Of course I say yes. “What’s his name?” “John” “okay what's going on in his life. What's his occupation? What do we know about him?” “Well, he's a real state agent. That’s all I really know except for the other stuff I told you about his previous relationship.” “Ah, okay. So he has his own business which means he's very driven and likes to be independent. He’s probably a confident and sort of friendly man too, typical for that kind of job.” “Ya that’s why I love him. I've never had a guy so willing to get to know and pursue me, even before we started dating.” “Okay, so we’ve got some information here that can help us understand him a little more. Because it's not up to us to try and CHANGE ANYONE, we need to understand why they are acting a certain way and hopefully find out how we can solve a human problem that way. Often it's not what's going on outside that matters but what's going on inside. It could be different things related to personality, it could be insecurities felt on the inside. I think if that is happening plus all his characteristics that are a part of his personality, we can figure out how to treat him. And then you have to ask yourself, 'can I handle this, as his partner? You both have to pass this test. It's not like you're not capable, but you have to prove it to yourself first and then you will go up in confidence, loyalty and strength.'”

roomate/psychologist

“He what?” said my roommate when I told her. I knew this was not going to go over well. Anyone I tell about him just does not agree with me. I’m just going along trying to do the best i can to stay positive about him, as you can see by my conversations with him, but I just have to side with her sometimes because it's so obscure. "The reason this is such a problem is that you cant really blame him, his last girlfriend cheated on him and he’s just not over her. He says the nicest things to me. He says all those lovey dovey comments. But i just don’t think im okay with this. However, he’ll keep going on and on about how much he loves me. You’ll never understand until you meet him and hear how genuine and serious he is with me. I’m his sunlight, his everything and I feel so good with him. Couples like this just do not work out so I can see why you might think that." “Well,” said my roommate, you’ll just have to wait to see how the relationship goes. Sometimes men do change, sometimes not, they can drop everything and put their focus on you and sometimes it's not worth it to them, so you need to ask him those questions before you get serious. If he is damn serious about you he'll do those things and even if he wont stop talking to his exes, if he is reassuring and if its promising to you that he'll let go for you, then that is a good answer to your question of whether he truly loves you. He doesn’t have to be perfect, but if he's willing to work this through and work on your relationship, then it should be alright. But it's not like you're perfect either, you have your flaws, but you would never let another human get in the way of your serious relationship so at the right time he's got to let go. If that is fair and makes sense to him, while also letting go of the past at a certain time, I think it will be alright. I go on. “I think its worth it. I think he means well, like he is not trying to discourage and hurt me. I think his emotions and feelings are true for me. He says sorry, he seems excited and is looking forward TO SEEING ME ALL THE TIME. He even talks about our future like it has already happened. That’s a keeper! He’s looking forward with eyes that are glued on me and not her, not anyone. Maybe I just need to give him the space and time he needs to get over her. You’re right, just give him some time.” “As a psychologist, I see cases like these all the time and I always tell them this. If he acts like a duck, he is. He's a quacker. But sometimes men change. That doesn’t mean it always works but there is still a chance that he will change his ways. Sometimes, you have to be passive, in other times you have to be firm, telling him with honesty about how you feel but listening with ears of acceptance and gentleness. So what do I want you to take with you this week? Confidence and belief that you are enough. You are enough to see the change and make a relationship work.”

not so bizarre

You would think after all that hes done to me, I would want to leave. I would put up shields and defense and never want to speak to the guy again. Okay, don’t get me wrong, he’s nice, he can make GOOD CONNVERSATION, he excuses himself when he leaves and he really does truly enjoy our company together. He says, “I’m so glad you’re here”, “you are the best date I have ever had the privilege of knowing.” And he doesn’t just take me to some random burger place – that’s for times when we've been together so long and we only go there because it’s a nice, summer day. I mean, there are unwritten rules about dates and dating. Others include to not select the most expensive meal on the menu, don’t flirt with the server (I hate when they flirt with my date), don’t talk about past relationships, never make eye contact with another man, really get to know each other and always, always, always say thank you when he opens doors (as well as car doors), when you’re done your date! But why would I hold on, cherish, be patient and yearn for a man that is doing all these obscure things. Maybe I shouldn’t say these things about a guy I care about. But I’m just trying to be honest telling these things, you know, like he says to me. He says he still talks to his exes to get closure and hold onto something until his feelings have dissipated into thin air, no longer to be felt by the dimples and muscles of his body. I mean I get that, but does this mean that he doesn’t care about MY FEELINGS? I think so. “So what about me, John,” I said the first time he left and came back. “What about it?” he said. “So you obviously don’t see the wrong in what you just did. Come on, I’m not oblivious to what you're doing in the bathroom,” I said. “That’s just how I am, I need space and time and I will let them go,” he said. “I don’t know if I really like this. We are here on a date, we should get to know each other and I don’t like what you're doing. We should be holding hands, discussing our plans in our lives, looking forward to new adventures together but as for us, we are conversing about the past, dwelling there instead of living in the moment and missing that joy. In other relationships and with other men I would excuse anything on a date - his inability to connect with me, his lack of charm and romance, saying things out of order as all men do at some point or another. But this guy, John, he tops them all, keeping these girls in his life. He says, “I love you Sandra, I'm not trying to turn you away in any way, I think you are great! If that is what I am making you feel, I am sorry. I just hold on too much sometimes but this doesn’t mean we aren’t important to me and my life, I just need you to bear with me for a while, I promise it will get better! I love you.”

what an interesting man

So we finally took our date, me and the starbucks guy. I think it could have been successful despite the challenges and I do think about this a lot actually, because the guy was the type that always draws you in, you could feel totally drawn to him no matter what bugged you, because he'd got this aura that makes him so powerful, so electrifyingly attractive, know what I mean? So things had got into a real good time together. He’s strong talking about all the things he’s done to all kinds of women and how he does not regret one of them! He’s focused and loyal to his work and what he does for real estate. He talked about his family too, he loves them. But there's one thing that seemed little off. He had to go to the bathroom maybe three or four times. Were sitting down weve ordered our meals, mine a famous carbonara pasta which I love so much, and him a signature steak of the restaurant. “Why have you been going to the restroom so many times, is this how you usually spend your dates?” “It’s just what I do!” he responded. “So this is not about using the washroom, you are rather doing other things, like making phone calls to all your exes?” Well he had said that he doesn’t regret anything he had done to them! I thought it was really fishy because on one hand here I was with him, but he still brought up his exes and I know most men don’t care about previous relationships but I had a feeling that this one might be different. He admitted that he’s not really using the washroom – this had to have been a shot in the park. “How did you know, he says, I’ve never had a lady guess so much into my personal life and actually get it right!” “Jason, I don’t think I like this, I’m not here to be in your life if you’re so bizarre about all of this. I mean most people move on from exes, you are on the other hand making phone calls to them while we're on this date! A date should be a happy experience of the love two people share and now I feel like you don’t even want to have a date with me right now. Why are you doing all of this anyway, because I mean, if you want me here on this date, you have to stop running to the bathroom to tell them about us or whatever is going on in your conversations with them. I mean you seem really distressed and I feel like I am giving you anxiety, given clearly by your reactions and things you’re doing right now.” He holds my hand and he says, “Lady, you are the most beautiful creature I have ever beheld and I want you to be my girlfriend.” That’s it, that’s all he said and I believed him!