not so bizarre

You would think after all that hes done to me, I would want to leave. I would put up shields and defense and never want to speak to the guy again. Okay, don’t get me wrong, he’s nice, he can make GOOD CONNVERSATION, he excuses himself when he leaves and he really does truly enjoy our company together. He says, “I’m so glad you’re here”, “you are the best date I have ever had the privilege of knowing.” And he doesn’t just take me to some random burger place – that’s for times when we've been together so long and we only go there because it’s a nice, summer day. I mean, there are unwritten rules about dates and dating. Others include to not select the most expensive meal on the menu, don’t flirt with the server (I hate when they flirt with my date), don’t talk about past relationships, never make eye contact with another man, really get to know each other and always, always, always say thank you when he opens doors (as well as car doors), when you’re done your date! But why would I hold on, cherish, be patient and yearn for a man that is doing all these obscure things. Maybe I shouldn’t say these things about a guy I care about. But I’m just trying to be honest telling these things, you know, like he says to me. He says he still talks to his exes to get closure and hold onto something until his feelings have dissipated into thin air, no longer to be felt by the dimples and muscles of his body. I mean I get that, but does this mean that he doesn’t care about MY FEELINGS? I think so. “So what about me, John,” I said the first time he left and came back. “What about it?” he said. “So you obviously don’t see the wrong in what you just did. Come on, I’m not oblivious to what you're doing in the bathroom,” I said. “That’s just how I am, I need space and time and I will let them go,” he said. “I don’t know if I really like this. We are here on a date, we should get to know each other and I don’t like what you're doing. We should be holding hands, discussing our plans in our lives, looking forward to new adventures together but as for us, we are conversing about the past, dwelling there instead of living in the moment and missing that joy. In other relationships and with other men I would excuse anything on a date - his inability to connect with me, his lack of charm and romance, saying things out of order as all men do at some point or another. But this guy, John, he tops them all, keeping these girls in his life. He says, “I love you Sandra, I'm not trying to turn you away in any way, I think you are great! If that is what I am making you feel, I am sorry. I just hold on too much sometimes but this doesn’t mean we aren’t important to me and my life, I just need you to bear with me for a while, I promise it will get better! I love you.”