the first meeting

You said youde be back in two months?? And now you want to prolong the distance between us? I thought you would come back to me and now you want to stay with Sandy. We had something wonderful and courageous I know, but we have sparks, we have true love, wouldn’t you want that over a whimsical decision to leave someone you actually love because I know that you love MEEEEEEE! I have been standing here in Edmonton on my own, you claim that you love me but your actions tell me otherwise that you do not care for me! If you actually cared, you wouldn’t have left me here. When I envisioned life with my love it did not go like this in my head, in my hope, dreams, you are my dream but I can’t just sit here waiting on a dream that will never come through because you cant let go of the woman in your life that you are lusting after because I know she is not your real life, because that’s me! ‘But I----' Let me finish. I have a question for you: Is there another woman this is covering up or something because I’m starting to get the idea that Sandy is not the real problem. You told me months ago this would happen, that it’s just a friendship and that I shouldn’t mind, worry or fret about it but if you are actually willing to be just friends with someone and you still are after two months, why would you want to prolong it with a friend except that you are hiding something else from me? Is there someone else involved?? "No" he says back to Sarah. "So you have no other relationship except this friendship with Sandy and the feelings you have for me!?" “That’s right," he says, “You need to start believing in me. I’ve told you many times this is not an affair, a lustful relationship or a future marriage. We’ve known each other for years and have been there for each other as well; and I guess I just feel like overwhelmed with everything right now and just need to get out of town. I promise you its nothing more than that and as soon as things shape up in my mind, I will come back and we can have a normal relationship together. Capiche?" “Okay. That’s a big relief. You have no idea how torturous it is to wait and watch a man leave the love of his life for someone else claiming to be just friends, away from her, in another place different from where she is!” “I know honey, but life throws curveballs here and there and its not like I’m trying to prove that Im unfaithful to you or that im going to let you down, but I am dealing with some personal issues which I shouldn’t discuss right now. Having another friend in my life does not diminish the love we have for each other.” "I get it," is her response.

the old lady

Where should we go today honey, I had such a hard day at work, at least for me it was! I WAS always thinking about you, always planning what I would say and do if I were to see you at work. I kept having these envisions of you at the hospital! I would attend to patient after patient, and although you were not there, I could see you in my mind, and not like a delusional thing, just a thought! On and on I would go, thinking of you, us on swings at a park where I would swing you, kiss you as I came towards you and with a huge smile on my face because I was with the woman of my dreams. And so we decided on a sandwich place and to be honest although these such places are such simple lunches, I always HAD AN APPETITE for them. This place in particular contained sandwiches for every meat lover, plus veggies that included bean sprouts, I mean what is not to love about that! Every customer in the line, hungry as could be, salivating for a sandwich to quench them. It was a bakery we went to and they have lounging seats we could sit on, so there were a few seniors and families sitting down already! So to explain a long story in a short piece of writing, I will say that I had seen these customers before and so I thought I might sit next to them as Jon and I had the appetite to eat right away. You’re not going to believe what happened as I asked the older ladies if I could have a seat. One lady abruptly said to me, “uh, actually, no because we are having a confidential conversation together and we would rather you not sit down!” “Can you believe this,” I said to Jon, whom looked at me the way he does when he convinces me to move on and not make a scene as I particularly love to do from time to time! As we walk away, I take our sandwiches and continue talking to my future husband! He thinks I’m out to lunch naturally and as usual. So I continue what I want to say. “Why did you just do that?” “Because honey, it’s not worth it. We can go somewhere else that is going to be much worth our time than sit down beside two stuck up ladies that are going to be making our stay real awkward. We would sit there eavesdropping on their conversation, which they don’t want, and feel seemingly weird that we're not even welcome there.” “Jon I’ve said a million times to them, I don’t care who disapproves of me. And that is so sweet of you to respect their request! But I don’t sit around here in town with a stuck up nose, I also don’t let people walk all over me, right?” “Babe, just leave it, you probably will never see this woman again, have you ever seen her?” “Well yes I have, she’s there lots, and you don’t see her whenever we go because she’s there during the week.” “Jon this is not about whether I want to sit beside an old lady, whether its awkward, too close to hear her story that she was trying to avoid us hearing, or anything like that. Rather, this is about a regular whom thinks she “owns the place” enough that she had the guts to tell me to practically “get lost”! I don’t think that’s fair or right, in my eyes!” To be continued…

romantic words

One day he was going to get something to eat together. It was a Friday night, ordering the same meal we got every time we went to this Italian Spaghetti restaurant! There were many couples around us, taking in the seafood pasta menu and taking various non-alcoholic beverages. “How did I get so lucky, I love you?” I said to him, my husband to be. To which he responded: “Love you more, babe, I love everything about you.” He never gives me much more than that response, a male trait I think, men say what they want to say, no explanations, detail or additional comments, just a simple, short, brief answer. Hahaha!! “Sarah, my wife, my beautiful wife, I have loved you since we met, from the very first glance you have been my light and my salvation. I could not go a day without you. You have given me peace and a joy that is never ending. For the longest time I thought I would never find love again and you have taken that all away. You have brought the sunshine back into my life. Now I wake up and smile and think about you all the time, everyday. Thank you for coming into my life and showing me what it is really like to feel, be and endure love. Now I know what true love is. It is endless, it is two souls joined together, forever, never leaving each other. Let me be the man that will love you forever, give you everything you need and all that you want! Be my wife and my wife only. He would go on tangents of expressing to me a man’s heart and soul, for the woman he loves which is me. Because Sandra had a big influence on him as his friend, I would still doubt that this was what he wanted now and forever. But as time went on (before his engagement to me), he slowly convinced me he would never go back to her and I would be the only romantic relationship he would have. This was the main reason I left him as he took off with her that one time years ago. I won’t go into that too much, but I want to say that step by step, as he was planting these thoughts and feelings in my heart and mind, I began to accept that this situation was really all about me. Every “I love you”, “you are my sunshine, my everything”, “you have taught me to realize never to take you for granted, always cherish and love you”, and that “you are the woman I want to marry, to be with me forever!” My response was always “yes” to him, he has a way of being able to convince me of whatever he feels and wants. I’m okay with that because it’s always about me which is not really a bad thing, after all, I want it to be all about me, I mean who wants to really feel like they are not a guy’s every attention and desire!

jon and i

I was literally so excited that this was happening for me, for us, but it also made me think of the past! As soon as I had got to New York I didn’t have anyone. I met a few guys and just didn’t click with them. One took me out to a meal and asked me if I was still interested in a second date, to which I said no. I had another boyfriend lasting maybe 2 weeks and another man took me out one night! As I reflect on these men and Im not really ashamed of this at all, I realize that (along with the shoppers guy) that I was searching for something. Aren’t we all!!?? Searching for love, a deeper purpose in life other than JUST myself and my career. But every relationship that pursued me in life was not the right fit, did not fulfill me and I felt like my path was being halted and did not exist for me so I took that as meaning that that was the wrong path to take. But Jon was there for me in absolutely everything. He held doors, and opened the car and paid for supper, did all the necessary gestures a man in love should do to his girlfriend and future fiancé, marriage partner. He is honestly so sweet and kind to me, asking me how im doing every day and telling me how much he loves the way I look, something I highly prize because no one else would ever tell me how good I look! When a man starts to do that to you, make you feel and look beautiful (which is possible because they tell you how beautiful you are and that makes you want to be the best version of your beauty!), you believe him. When you are told you are someone else’s better half, you start to believe that too! But it can’t stop there, you can have men tell you those things and you still feel like dirt shit because beauty is not enough. You must have compatibility, love and care all in one. It can not be just physical things, the way you look, how much money you make, your status in life! I felt like at this point in my life that love was more than being materialistic! It had to be showered with commitment- undying loyalty to a person, staying in one place, taking a stand and saying you will stay this way with me no matter what happens? This falls under the category of compatibility because you both have promised to do the same thing, and the only way to get along is to be committed. So off I went to central park with my boyfriend telling him ‘yes’. I did so because of his love and care that I have just mentioned exists between him and I. He cares about how I do in life (how much effort, success and what I need in life)! He always points out how wonderful life is with me. And he's very thankful, always very thankful!

the proposal

Back in time when we first met on the streets of New York, Jon and I had no idea what was to come. We were two souls meant for each other to meet, to cultivate values in our relationship and we were reaching out for each other to provide healing, strength and dignity for times before that needed it. But we weren’t just perfect human beings that found each other – we believed in destiny, that we were intentionally here, to meet and fall in love, and how deep was that love. We had similar interests and we were so in love, should we be married, just having love for each other seemed enough. We imagined having babies as we were dating for the first time in New York. We wanted a house and a nice church to attend, and this all happened within 3 months of dating! When I first met him he was walking into Starbucks and I was taking my hot chocolate from the counter when he walked up to me! Nerves going through my body, noticing this handsome and charming man, not to mention how respectful and honouring he was in his speech, I Introduced myself: “Hello, I’m Sarah.” “And let me introduce my self, Jon.” “And what do you have there, I love my coffee dark; double-double” “Well actually I’m not a great coffee drinker, but I do have a love for hot chocolate milk, and they seem to have the best, its so rich and thick with chocolate flavour.” “Wow you’re making it sound so appealing and I’ll have to try it out one time.” “Sure.” “So what do you do here in NYC?” “I’m a journalist for a local magazine publication!” “Who are you with?” “Well id rather not say but you must be a doctor with that uniform of yours!” “Indeed, I am.” And that conversation was the workings of a very successful relationship that would take shape. We would go on dates and look in each other’s eyes, him commenting on mine like all the time, myself saying how proud I am of his hard work! We would go to restaurants and watch movies in the theatre and take some nice calming walks at central park where tons of people and couples were doing the same thing! There was only 3 months left of my contract and I did not know if I was staying or going back to my country, and it turns out He is Canadian as well. But as we were walking and enjoying holding hand in hand, my feelings began to change about where I should live in the world and I was sure this was a man worth staying for! We got to a bench in the park and sat down from a pretty long walk! Suddenly, he got one one knee after 3 months of dating! He sat me on the bench and as he got on one knee, with hands over my mouth, I could not have asked for a greater, more joyous moment, the moment in time that changed my world and set my nerves on fire!

outline for new york

Where jon and sarah meet in new York – purpose being to bring us back to their early days and see how this has influenced their relationship now and in future, ie. Their love and commitment to each other. Is jon mature enough, will sarah still work well in a relationship with jon? Is love about compatibility or based on mutual affection and admiration of each other?? Shes doing journalistic work in new York Hes a doctor They start dating and going out to different functions to do fun things In the first three months they are very in love Something happens to break them apart: she meets his friend Sandra and though welcoming, Sarah is starting to feel secondary in his life, brings her back to days when a past bf also had a friend but she left really quickly- Sandra turns out different, she will not leave. This puts strain on sarah and jon’s relationship: who will he pick and what are all their feelings leading to? – at first she thinks this will not work but then jon says… When sarah is convinced it will not work..

shoppers drug mart

So off I went on my day off of work and these thoughts were going through my mind, thoughts of forgiveness and letting go, even though I knew I would have John back. When a woman is going through this, she feels defeated, ruined, like she messed up everything. I felt broken and helpless, like I could not do anything to correct the problem. This was the biggest problem, not in doing something about it which is why at this time I stayed in the city I was in, but not getting what I was looking for in John. I know I had to let go of the hurt. But I just couldn’t AND I couldn’t stop wondering, why did he leave me?? But my nature is and was very simple. I would always run away from my problems and if I got hurt, I would be angry and run away from the person that hurt me! I am sure that so many people out there can relate to this. I think the biggest problem was that I wanted him so bad. I left a person I did not love and I was looking for the next step to be with a man. This does not mean I was chasing him or men, I was quite contend to be on my own. And then you know the story, he met me at chapters and the story goes on. I was sitting at the same coffee shop where John and I had met. It was a bright sunny day in the summer. I loved going to Starbucks where they had the best hot chocolate to date I have ever tasted in the history of coffee shops. A gentleman came waltzing in and immediately his eyes met mine. And I will say that there is not one man including this one in present or in the past that ever struck me as being more handsome than my man. Anyways, he walks in and I just say my name and walk away. I was starting to feel like I was having validation from men that I am beautiful, that I’m worth their attention, I have value to them and that’s exactly what was happening. However, on the other side of the equation was this longing and I was missing my man. One night I put on some really sexy clothing and I saw him at the shoppers drug mart as he was leaving and he stopped to talk to me. In the moment, it felt amazing and as though he valued me, looking in my eyes and flattering me with talk about my outfit and how beautiful I was. “I should be happy,” I thought, to myself but I am not. I am a ship wrecked on the course of a body of water asking to be on land, about to drown if I do not find my way out of this mess of my life. It’s as though I am stuck and trying to get out but shore is way beyond the water ways. There is no one around to which I can call but I have to keep this boat travelling in the storm as best as I can. So I just walked away from him without an answer because I knew who was waiting for me.

I hv always wanted to be the trophy wife, beautiful and loving, caring for her husband. I’ve dreamt of long, hand-held nights walking along the crust of a walkway, surrounded by water in the strong, brisk night, looking into each others eyes taking in every breath, every moment, where you are here with me. I will walk there with you and gaze upon it’s beauty - love. It stands tall like the beauty of its face. I can not wait to hold it, grasp its intimate feeling and it’s closeness! In it I see love, I hear it and it cries out for more as your lips touch mine and I look in your eyes. I wanted it to be me a thousand times more, the way you touched my face, caressed me, and gazed upon my glistening face. I have always wanted to take you to a special place in my heart! To take care of you making sure you had the meals only you wanted! I would start preparing supper and you would be there asking me what was for dinner! I would say lusciously that it is your favourite whatever that may be, come and taste of the feast I would prepare! Only me your wife would treat you this way, wanting to give to you the touch of my hands through the blessing of feeding you, in a way that only I can fulfill, administer for you. And as your tummy grumbles at the thought the sight the experience of seeing me cook your favourite meal, your hands would pour upon me my great favour for you love the feel and shape of me in ways only you n I share! Honey taste of my youthful goodness. Be the light that I am so very attracted to and come into me. There you will find solace and sweetness, only you can see and touch. I have kept this hidden for years from other suitors to taste the goodness of the lord and our love! Many nights I have tossed and turned longing for it! Come touch me and show me your affection, like the new lilac blossoms beckoning for you and I to share in such lovely embrace! You are mine and I am yours! Love your wife Sarah