not so bizarre

You would think after all that hes done to me, I would want to leave. I would put up shields and defense and never want to speak to the guy again. Okay, don’t get me wrong, he’s nice, he can make GOOD CONNVERSATION, he excuses himself when he leaves and he really does truly enjoy our company together. He says, “I’m so glad you’re here”, “you are the best date I have ever had the privilege of knowing.” And he doesn’t just take me to some random burger place – that’s for times when we've been together so long and we only go there because it’s a nice, summer day. I mean, there are unwritten rules about dates and dating. Others include to not select the most expensive meal on the menu, don’t flirt with the server (I hate when they flirt with my date), don’t talk about past relationships, never make eye contact with another man, really get to know each other and always, always, always say thank you when he opens doors (as well as car doors), when you’re done your date! But why would I hold on, cherish, be patient and yearn for a man that is doing all these obscure things. Maybe I shouldn’t say these things about a guy I care about. But I’m just trying to be honest telling these things, you know, like he says to me. He says he still talks to his exes to get closure and hold onto something until his feelings have dissipated into thin air, no longer to be felt by the dimples and muscles of his body. I mean I get that, but does this mean that he doesn’t care about MY FEELINGS? I think so. “So what about me, John,” I said the first time he left and came back. “What about it?” he said. “So you obviously don’t see the wrong in what you just did. Come on, I’m not oblivious to what you're doing in the bathroom,” I said. “That’s just how I am, I need space and time and I will let them go,” he said. “I don’t know if I really like this. We are here on a date, we should get to know each other and I don’t like what you're doing. We should be holding hands, discussing our plans in our lives, looking forward to new adventures together but as for us, we are conversing about the past, dwelling there instead of living in the moment and missing that joy. In other relationships and with other men I would excuse anything on a date - his inability to connect with me, his lack of charm and romance, saying things out of order as all men do at some point or another. But this guy, John, he tops them all, keeping these girls in his life. He says, “I love you Sandra, I'm not trying to turn you away in any way, I think you are great! If that is what I am making you feel, I am sorry. I just hold on too much sometimes but this doesn’t mean we aren’t important to me and my life, I just need you to bear with me for a while, I promise it will get better! I love you.”

what an interesting man

So we finally took our date, me and the starbucks guy. I think it could have been successful despite the challenges and I do think about this a lot actually, because the guy was the type that always draws you in, you could feel totally drawn to him no matter what bugged you, because he'd got this aura that makes him so powerful, so electrifyingly attractive, know what I mean? So things had got into a real good time together. He’s strong talking about all the things he’s done to all kinds of women and how he does not regret one of them! He’s focused and loyal to his work and what he does for real estate. He talked about his family too, he loves them. But there's one thing that seemed little off. He had to go to the bathroom maybe three or four times. Were sitting down weve ordered our meals, mine a famous carbonara pasta which I love so much, and him a signature steak of the restaurant. “Why have you been going to the restroom so many times, is this how you usually spend your dates?” “It’s just what I do!” he responded. “So this is not about using the washroom, you are rather doing other things, like making phone calls to all your exes?” Well he had said that he doesn’t regret anything he had done to them! I thought it was really fishy because on one hand here I was with him, but he still brought up his exes and I know most men don’t care about previous relationships but I had a feeling that this one might be different. He admitted that he’s not really using the washroom – this had to have been a shot in the park. “How did you know, he says, I’ve never had a lady guess so much into my personal life and actually get it right!” “Jason, I don’t think I like this, I’m not here to be in your life if you’re so bizarre about all of this. I mean most people move on from exes, you are on the other hand making phone calls to them while we're on this date! A date should be a happy experience of the love two people share and now I feel like you don’t even want to have a date with me right now. Why are you doing all of this anyway, because I mean, if you want me here on this date, you have to stop running to the bathroom to tell them about us or whatever is going on in your conversations with them. I mean you seem really distressed and I feel like I am giving you anxiety, given clearly by your reactions and things you’re doing right now.” He holds my hand and he says, “Lady, you are the most beautiful creature I have ever beheld and I want you to be my girlfriend.” That’s it, that’s all he said and I believed him!

end of section

I don’t know for sure, but I think this guy was being sincere, like he wanted me to sit there with him! I left before him and I didn’t leave him thinking that he had a date for sure, but you know as a woman my mind was thinking about how much of a ‘yes’ it was from the moment we met! I don’t think hes too much older than me, that we could get along – we both have quiet spirits and a zest for life, loving and caring for one another in the same way. But I didn’t know who he was and where he came from, I just saw a pleasant looking and attractive man, quietly working on whatever he was doing and taking an interest in me and my life at the very last minute. So I guess he was a yes in my books but I have been so disappointed by men before and I didn’t want to bring that into our conversation at that point! I just wanted to enjoy my new experience with this man without being bombarded by that past! I’m over it.

man at the coffee shop

I went home that night and kept thinking about the man I met at the coffee shop, THE Starbucks coffee shop! He kind of caught me off guard and I didn’t think he was very welcoming at first! I mean he just sat there, bundled up in his coffee and did not pay me any attention. You know what my roommate says to that: “Guys like that are useless. They play along and try to act, to see what you’re like, think through whether they’d want you and then keep you hooked at the last minute.” And this is exactly what happened that night. He sort of played it cool and looked up at me here and there and because of that I thought it was over. He was so embarrassed looking though. I have never written anyone or told anyone how it went that day. That will tell you how much I wanted to keep it a secret. But this seems like the perfect moment to say now. Why was he so embarrassed that day? I wasn’t, I was just really nervous. Nervous for a new chapter that may never happen. I actually didn’t intend to see him, I went to another starbucks and because there were no seats, I went to this other one. And there was my prince charming. Talk about destiny, and finding someone there that you could make a future with (I didn’t know it yet), without even meaning to do so. But heaven is on your side and enabling something to happen that is out of your control. So I just lifted my head when I could and not look at him too obviously. I was simply working on my articles and he was also doing some work for something, which I did not ask him about. My feeling was I don’t know if there is another girl around and if he's in love with her. It would then be embarrassing to get myself with someone like that, so as I sat there I didn’t say anything. He would have to start the conversation and if you remember he invited me out somewhere. As I walked away that day he kept looking at me and as I got further and further away from him his invitation stood deep in my heart and I wondered if I should do it! I think my roommate has been through a lot of relationships but I don’t think she’s necessarily right about this advice. Maybe she has met some troublesome men that have hurt her, and she has every right to feel this about men like that, ones that are bad at expressing themselves about their romantic feelings. But this guy made the effort, took the time and he reached out so as not to lose me, to not regret a decision to stay silent. His every effort to do that did not go unnoticed! I reciprocated his feelings even though I did not make them obvious. And that’s what makes the interaction promising, the fact that he continued asking me to a date despite having little evidence that I would say yes! It shows his deep affection for me.

writing in Taiwan

“Sometimes I love my job and sometimes I hate it,” I thought. Then my co-worker Rebekah came to see me at my desk. “What are you twiddling your thumbs for?” she asked. “I just don’t know why I always struggle sometimes?” I said, “it seems that the harder I try, the more I miss.” “Listen girl, how long have you been here and you are already getting down about yourself!??" “I’ve been here more than fifteen years and I always believe I can write better, be cooler and catch more attention of different audiences. To me, it's not how I failed or what people think about me and my writing. We are all learning, it’s going to happen to us, we won't measure up to everyone’s standards! But if I keep focusing on my failures, I never would have travelled and brought myself here from Taiwan. You see, I had been living there for four years and everything was going well except I could never see eye to eye with the bosses I had. One said I couldn’t write, the other that she can't communicate with me! I just didn’t like the way they deal with their workers! I mean, a little appreciation would have been appreciated. But one day, after doing it for that long, I realized that I could do better, I could communicate and my boss communicate with me. It’s not that im super gifted and people can see that, or not see that, it's that I believe in myself that I am a good, a great writer, and that I can overcome every bit of a hurdle! So you can’t get down on yourself and believe what everyone says about you, especially those that look down on you; because then you’ll never get up and start over. Don’t let this setback with the play article dictate how you are going to live your life! If you let it, every time you have this obstacle, especially one similar, you’re going to be giving up, telling yourself that you can't do it and will never start over to try!” “I know all that, I’ve heard it from the boss, my parents, my sisters and brothers, they all say I can do it and that I have the tenacity to overcome it, but the one person that doesn’t believe in all that stuff is me. I don’t have the confidence to keep going at this sometimes, it's hard for me to stand up against a battle and overcome the problems, look past what the critics say and just prove them wrong. When people say to me that doing what someone says I can’t do, is the best revenge, I just ignore it because I know I'll never do it, I don’t have the strength to fight it!” “You can do it and that’s why you’re here because you have to and it just takes a little faith that you have to choose.” And she walked away and I went on researching for another story to be published tomorrow.

the article

That was the end of that conversation! Sandra didn’t know what else to say except to reiterate what she had just said to me! “She was right” I thought. What is apparent with critics is that they are always criticizing from their standpoint. Although right, I found the actor very mean and rude to be talking so harshly with me; sure, he was frustrated and I understand that but people do not have to take their aggression from the past out on me. After talking to my roommate, I was determined to do better. I could write an amazing article and prove him wrong, that I actually can turn things around and present a very interesting and relevant article! It was my dream since I was a child, to write, to write lots of information about life, the world and how I feel about it and this was my opportunity to turn it around. This was just one hurdle I had to overcome and I knew I could. That article was done but I could represent this company in a very positive way by showing the University just how talented I was. Writing about a play was going to be available to me down the road and while I waited for that, I would get to work the next morning on something else! Sitting at my desk the next morning, my pen and paper to jot down my ideas was on my right and my fingers were busy typing on the computer! “A man meets a girl in Central Park and relationship develops through the help of their dogs.” This was the title of my next project! Two people, a woman and a man, who love enjoying the outdoors and walking, find themselves talking on a bench, having discussions about their dogs. Bases on the research I gathered, it sounded like the pair had similarities between each other as well. They both loved cooking, different cultures, and activities like swimming, skating and enjoying the wilderness, the outdoors! Walking up to each other at the park, as both were walking their dogs, they saw the bench on which they both would sit. “Oh hello,” said the man named Ben, “how are you doing today, I just noticed you sitting here and I needed a rest too, so if you don’t mind…”. “Not at all,” said the lady named Serena. “This is Emma, what is your dog's name?” said the lady. “He happens to be Rover.” And the pair talked repeatedly about all they could about their dogs and each other and soon found they were a lot alike. They were single, living on their own, and looking for a life with which they could enjoy their dogs while still enjoying life as a couple. He was a vet, she was a teacher. Their lives just seemed to complement each other and since they were talking and getting along so well, she was determined to give it a try! “I would love to get to know you more over supper,” she said, after he asked her on a date and soon enough he was holding her hand and meeting her for supper that evening!"

the article

So I was writing about a play that went on at the university! It was about two lovers that find each other in the end, but that have these struggles they have to go through in order to keep their love alive! Well I was so focused on the story being told - the plot, the characters, the setting or where it was taking place that I forgot about other things. “Well what’s his problem with that? I mean it seems really justified that you would write about them. Those all seem to be important things that you could write about." "He was complaining about writers of plays in the school newspaper before me as well a myself because he felt these reviews of plays were not correctly written! He said that writers of plays in the paper should have something meaningful to write about other than what’s going on in the play, perhaps why the love relationship in the play is carrying on for so long or the significance of the setting props on the stage, or the plot development of the love affair and how this complements the love relationship! I mean, it’s like an essay, you’re expected to go above and beyond the obvious nature of the story, and not what is obvious on stage but to look more into the story that will answer questions like why something occurred, as it relates to the story, namely the relationship, in this case. “Oh, I see” she says, “that stuff is way beyond me. I can talk about the plot of the love affair and stuff that is insanely obvious, but don’t ask me about underlying thematic discourses about a play." I got a little chuckle out of that. "I know that lots of people can’t do what I do, but the critic whose the actor really got under my skin, and now I don’t like him or the play, and I feel like giving it all up! "Don’t get yourself down about it! You’re amazingly smart and intelligent, you can come up with ideas to write about better than anyone I know! NO one is like you, not even me and I consider myself to be smart too. I know when a person is successful and when they are not and you just have this vibe, this aura about you that people are drawn to." "I know, but im dreading what the boss is going to say, whether or not he will tell me that im not good enough or ask why he hired me and will guilt trip me like he always does! But I knew this was going to be a gamble, a big risk, im not artsy at all and I am always like this when I AM DOING SOMETHING FOR THE FIRST TIME. I tend to just look at the story from my point of view. I don’t see the story from the perspective of anyone but myself, what I know and unfortunately I hate taking risks so I end up writing about basic truths and ideas. I guess that’s exactly what the critic is challenging me to do – write from outside the box because learning something different through writing is always a good choice and a more interesting reason to read it.

Article rejection

So off I went to my apartment where my roommate was waiting for me for a girl’s night out. We had an apartment in New York, just down the street from central park. On this particular night, skies were clear and we were set to go to a restaurant, one of our favorites! Everything was as calm as could be, no one in sight except for those eating at our favourite restaurant, TGIFs! It was packed with people conversing of the night being a day before the work week coming upon them! Others couldn’t wait to go to the dance club or bar to ensure that most memories could be made in a night they would forget for years to come. We were just there to have a bite to eat and there is no harm in wanting to do that. So as we came upon our seat and our waitress approached us after a few minutes of deciding what to eat, I was ordering a chicken dish, my favourite, smothered in cheese with potato and bell papers also with cheese. And as I was eating it, we broke out in conversation. “How was your day at work,” my roommate asked. “Oh it was good, the usual writing about New York’s art scene, what you would see in the art gallery!” “Oh that’s so cool.” Sandy said. “I wish my job was more interesting like that. I stood up at the front of a classroom today, telling the kids that they need to have their math homework written down as there is a quiz on Monday. So fun!!” “Sandra, my job isn’t everything people make it out to be! I researched on some of the artwork in the exhibit but most importantly, I got feedback about a written article detailing the outcome of a play being held at the University. They said the article for this was a lot like the others. The reviewer, who happened to be one of the play’s long time actors, totally bashed me for how I wrote it!” “I hate this,” I thought. “A lot like the others? What was that suppose to mean? I wasn’t good enough for him, and I was average, being just like the other writers before me. I wanted to be unique, stand out, and able to write better than anyone out there. Seriously, my goal has always been to be the best and this was certainly not starting to feel that way at all. I was a great writer by the time I left University to come here. I had mad skills. Why couldn’t I muster up the courage to write a better article? How would I write it? It just wasn’t fair, he didn’t even talk about the inclusivity of writing about all the characters in the play. You can tell my thoughts were so negative! But I already felt like quitting, taking all my stuff and heading back home to Canada.” “Well what happened, Sarah, what did this actor say!!??”

coffee meeting

But as I have told you, I had nothing in my life that could prepare me for this! I sat down in my spot next to a man who would take my spot and I went up to ask him what he was up to and if I could sit down,… He said, “have a seat.” I love it when men ask me to sit down, you know, it's kind of a very nice way of saying they want and accept you so I thought that was a very nice gesture. He was holding a newspaper detailing the current events of the world like terrorist attacks, the controversial balloting of the US elections and all the ways and endeavours by which women are still trying to overcome men in the business world that they should get equal pay for equal work. So I brought up that he was reading this and he just saying “uh hu” and “uh huh,” he didn’t really care I guess. But as I was taking my last sip I guess he noticed because he asked for my name and said, “maybe I'll see you back here one day! I am always here. I’m sorry I wasn’t much company today." “That’s okay” I said, “I just sort of invite myself over here because this is where I usually sit. And I saw you sitting there and so that is why I came up to you.” “Oh well I always sit here too so I guess we can call it a date today and another time, next time I see you.” “Oh I don’t go on dates at Starbucks.” “Why not?” said the man, “it’s fun times.” “I guess so, I just got out of a breakup and I don’t want a date right now.” “Okay well, if you change your mind, meet me tomorrow at this time, will you be free?” And I walked away. I love it when men are persistent, even when I’m not but that is a man’s prerogative. They're suppose to be the go-getters, the chasers, they love the conquest of a woman, which I actually don’t think is a problem, because it means they want you and are willing to fight in a battle for me. The battle for your heart, so I usually just do what I feel. If I'm feeling down, discouraged about a man, I just act like myself and if they truly want me they’ll keep pursuing me, no matter what I do. I feel like men are suppose to lead and women follow. I know there a few feminists out there that don’t agree but look at me from my perspective, men carry the weight of the relationship, when things are tough, they life you up and bring you to a place of peace and serenity when you follow. And that’s what I love about him. I didn’t say anything back because after the first meeting with him, I could feel myself desiring and wanting him but I just wasn’t sure, he sort acted like he didn’t care at first so I thought I would just give him another chance to prove his affection and desire for me. But I knew he's everything.

coffee shop lesson

So as I stepped into New York, there was nothing I had prepared enough to take on the job I was to do there. As I stepped into the coffee shop, I didn’t know it but my world would change for the better. Everything seemed quite normal, when you walk into Starbucks at any location. There was a man sitting around the corner talking to a young little girl that looked like his daughter. What was he saying to her? I don’t know but perhaps they were talking about her classmates who bully her and her dad is the only one in her life where she feels love and care for her. As I looked beside the door, walking in, there were two gentlemen in black suits and immediately one knows what they might be conversing about! Perhaps the company they work for is advancing so far that their paychecks are going to go up while the lady in a scruffy old jacket is holding onto her cup of hot chocolate which cost her the last of the change in her bank account. Then there's, you know, normal women-type relationships, discussing family and how much joy there is in the world to watch their little girls and boys grow up to achieve in life. Do you ever do that? Do you ever Go somewhere and wonder what all these people are doing with their lives? I do. Maybe it’s the writing in me, maybe it’s the wonder of it all, the curiosity god always gives me wherever I go. Wouldn’t life be dull and unchallenging and not fun at all to be secluded in my little writing and reading bubble! I GUESS im granted these gifts to share my story. So here I was in a big city curious as to what the world thinks about and how either fortunate or unfortunate life can be. Because in the midst of the chaos, like the woman whose head was shaved and probably had cancer, we don’t really care about her, do we? This may be her last chance to enter a coffee shop, but we take that coffee or hot chocolate for granted, even the holding of what represented the last of the one lady's change. AT LEAST SHE STILL CAN LIVE. BUT I JUST WONDER, DO THESE PEOPLE, MAKING LOTS OF MONEY AND WHOM HAVE LOTS OF LOVE, CARE THE WAY THAT DAD CONSOLES HIS DAUGHTER. I don’t know about you, but that ain’t right; we’re more focused on those dear to us like the women and their precious big children growing up and especially the millionaires making their money. Is there something wrong with this picture!? I think there is. It’s not like I don’t struggle with this too, I mean here I am picking up my Starbucks just so I can join the club - I am defined, loved and accepted by the fact that im addicted to the status quo Starbucks brand but this is such a societal wrong because it’s not about the cup, it’s about our hearts being connected to each other in a coffee shop. So I walk up to the counter where the lady takes my order and I wait patiently on the other side!