scottie cont...

He finally said something to me one day. I was dressed in a pink mini skirt and a white tank. I guess this whole thing about being away from John was to test the ground and see if we really love each other. So I made the plunge and smiled at him as he opened the door of a Shoppers Drugmart right on Whyte Ave. Okay, what was going to hurt me going into a Shoppers to grab some Crest Whitening Strips? ‘Be careful’ my inner good Christian girl complex said to me. So there he was, opening the door for me and getting me to walk through the door as I said, “thank you.” He just looked me in the eye and said ‘have a nice day’. Even that kind of interaction made me nervous. It’s that I’m meeting a guy, it’s the thought that I could lose John by falling in love with someone else or do something wrong like having sex before marriage to a man I don’t even love because I’m in love with someone else. You see, although I, am kind of a wanderer in this book and in my real life years ago, I am also very cautious and careful that some guy could take the place of a man I love. I guess that’s the risk I am taking, as I left John that one day he hugged and kissed me! Isn’t it because I’m allowing him and myself the freedom to look. But the good Christian girl within me is saying ‘be careful’ and I mean it because I agree with it: that a girl like me who is a Christian girl should not have sex and should stay true to another man while she waits for her man. She is tough, true to herself and her man, and is simply avoiding sexual play. Am I right then, that exploring the streets and being with a man or giving him a chance in a simple, non-risky way like talking, going to the movies and going on dates, is just alright! I think so. “How are you doing ?” the Scotman would say, when I saw him on the street by this pub. “I am doing quite fine thank you” I said. “Im Harold, what’s your name?” as he held out his hand to me. “I am Sarah,” I said, of course. “Oh lovely you are, and your name too,” “Are you the owner here, at this pub, the scottish pub?” I asked. “Yes I am,” he says. He was sounding like he was proud of it and he should be because it takes a lot of man power and commitment to run a business. A bar is a place many people think is harmless but many also think it is worthless. It’s because they believe there are greater things to do and be in life. I had a dream one night and I was clearly dating this guy. I was walking around with dishes and drinks and after that I do not know what happens. I probably was either putting them away or delivering them. But I was wearing a long flower-print dress. I could sense I was happy to be there and I think it’s because we were together. Well, I decided after that I did not want to immerse myself in this environment. It was a little far off from what I wanted out of life and John always kept coming in my mind and heart. He wasn’t just a man to me, he has something I love, and part of that is him, his true self!