the scottie

So I had had enough, John was still gone and I couldn’t handle loving him and seeing and watching and knowing he was hanging out with Sandra. That’s it I thought, this is over. I have no way to contact him, he is just going to deal with it. It doesn’t seem fair that they did not contact me about extending their time away (it was now past the 7 months mark and so I considered it OVER.) You know what, I thought, I have given them one more month and still I have seen them show nothing about what is happening. Do they actually expect me to wait around for them lie a “good” little girl and they do not have the decency to inform me. IN THIS SOCIETY, especially the Christian side of things, you’re expected to be this good little girl and as soon as you do wrong, it’s like you’re not that girl anymore, so I just wanted to break past that understanding that girls should just be good and help myself and others realize that God can forgive and you can more on and change. And even if you don’t change, God is still gracious to get you to the grace part even if it takes you longer. So before I met Dan there was this bar tender around. I would frequent the streets and see him around. Right away, a good portion of the streets part will be viewed to some as kind of a prostitution. Well, yes I was chasing after men at this point, but I didn’t touch them, get near this man sexually so already that opinion is falsified. Just because a girl wants to go and have fun, meet men and have a good, safe time, does not mean she is sinning or doing wrong. Naturally, walking down whyte avenue to look at clothes, buy a drink or head into a club are all the same things as long as you are not sinning while you do them. That’s my take on it so people are not confused between prostitution and a friendly walk into entertainment, anti-boredom and exploration. People go camping where they could be demolished by a black bear, men play golf and go to the casino (and women) and there’s a chance of experiencing feelings of regret and remorse at not playing a good game. Well regardless of what people may say these all have a resemblance to the feelings you’re going through when searching for a man. There’s the possibility of pain and suffering but we still do these things to give us a good time. So why do we downcast a friendly date or meeting a guy, when it could end up in heart break and pain, in the ways that it does in these other activities. So yes I did spend some time with a young man when I was alone, where there was no communication about coming back. I saw him by a shoppers drug mart and by his pub. My intentions were clean and I kept it that way. It was fun for a while, I should say, but I did leave him AFTER a while because it seemed after all, that I was still missing John and only wanting to be with him. But this is what we did together: