the end of exploration in my heart

I just feel like at this point I have met a lot of people who have touched my life since we separated and I needed every one of them to teaching me things and get me through this mess. Amy was there in the weeping, some other friends in enjoying Edmonton the best that I could, Angie being a companion during the toughest of realities with John and Sandra, as well as all the help that came through during the wedding. How can I thank them enough but invite them to my wedding and thank them for being there. I guess I’m admitting that they pay an instrumental role in all the ups and downs. You see, I’m the kind of person that likes to do that on my own! I clean my house, pay for my own stuff (without any boyfriend), I spend a lot of time alone ALL ON MY OWN. So having so many things turn against me and really feel like I am going under, turned out to be a real blessing, because so many people came to my rescue. I learned that we can let go of our aspirations of self, and embrace the love we can have for ourselves and others. I guess we should love on other people as much as ourselves. These are deeper-seeded wounds for me, being able to open up to people and letting them take charge in my life because what they say sounds right. It’s not like you’re allowing them to walk all over you, take your freedom away from you or getting control of your life! You meet people throughout your life that have such a beautiful, lasting grip on your heart and soul, the things you aspire to and those that you leave behind! They cry with you, they laugh with you, and you take pieces of it with you. Whatever the mind, heart and body can identify as good thoughts, good actions and goodness to others, you take it in and it becomes who you are, what you aspire to and long for in your life. So its okay to let yourself let people in, you may be surprised how much you like them, like what they’re doing, they’re approach to life and as long as they are willing to let you take what they give in your own way, in your way of doing things, in your time and fashion, you will be fine to let them in, even if it requires some change. You just don’t want to let them in so much that there becomes a choice between them and yourself. You just let them teach you and mould you to become the person, mind and heart that you know you so desire to be! It's not that they necessarily do what they want to you! So I am going to live life like I should, like I want, like I will, because without that I am just a big bubble of self, self, self!! Meeting people is fun, letting them in to share my life is great and letting them influence and change my heart to fit my mould is wonderful!