first rough draft (two more to go)

This is a story about love and it is a story about myself. Everyone has a love story to tell, whether it be when you are young and when you are old - it doesn’t really matter. People would tell me I couldn’t date him or I’m not good enough. Even my own conscience, mindset would say that I can’t handle him. I was not as high-achieving as him, I didn’t have a high-paying job, as many friends and family around me and as he did. This made me feel very insecure. He comes from a very tough background, tough people, and what I mean by this is the rules his church and family would set for his early life. But oh this is not true. He was perfect for me, I thought, many times. He was tall, had brown hair and walked with his head held high, like a soldier about to take flight; and his duty, his requirement was going to be to wait for me. He would become the love of my life indeed, but this would take years, effort, strong effort and an undying love that none would be able to surpass in the way that he loved. You see, its not about how much he made, or that of other men, I care about the hurting, the destitute, the outcast. And that is what drew me to him, because I was all of those things before him. When we got home one night, I knew I had to confess something to him. In all the uneasiness of life, although I should be so happy, I could feel my heart pounding as I thought about her, his her, his love interest, although way gone and he didn’t see her for some three months was his response, but it still worried me. She came into his life as a first relationship, you know we are all so dumb when we are in love for the first time. “John, I’m just not happy right now. I need some time,” said Sarah. And this brought back memories from their past relationship. I remember when I started to be in love, with John. There’s not a care in the world. Meaning you don’t care what people are going to think, where you are going, you just know you want to be with this person all the time, your whole life. So I continued to trust my intuition, he was at the bookstore in the city and he was sitting at a coffee shop connected to the bookstore and I went right up to him. Of course, we had already interacted many times and this was just an open invitation to sit down. He says to me, “have a seat, Sarah.” So we had a chat as I sat there for just a few minutes because I had to go back to work at the bookstore. I was in heaven. I loved what we talked about - our tempers, our aura, our impressions were indeed alike, like a rib that had been taken from him and finally reunited, with myself. That is to say, we were a perfect match for each other; and to this day, we feel the same thing. Nonetheless, he was handsome, he has a deep voice even then, his eyes fixated on me like a lion on the scene to capture its prey. I’m not really an animal or someone to be eaten, but you get the hint! His eyes were absolutely staring at me and I loved it! We talked of the music we love and the church we were connected with in Edmonton. Talks of his plans and mine for the next three years would be discussed. On another day as well we had a most heavenly talk as I crossed paths with him at work. He was looking at the books in front of him and as he walked towards me, I began to walk as well. Talking of a dislocated shoulder, I showed my most sincere compassion for him, as I said “Oh no, hope you are getting better,” I even brought my dad and brother into the conversation, my point being that they know more about these sorts of things. I know more about education, reading and writing and they know more about the body and how it works to cause such discomfort after an accident. To which he replied, “well I’m sure they know more about that than me.” I was very pleased with that ending. I had never felt like he opened up to me as well as this time. I felt like I was his and he was mine because everything he was saying was drawing me to him, attracted me to him. I just felt like I knew him, wanted him and was willing to figure this out, see this through and pray about this to see if he was the man for me. Don’t get me wrong, it was only the first real encounter with a man I could see myself dating, but was enraptured by his every move and I knew this was meant to be, destiny, I had reached home but I was still unsure. Not because of him, but because of me. I went to bed that night and laid on it, absolutely in love. I sighed, I was relieved but needed to process all of this. I had endured years of regret and I did not want to have any part of regret ever again so I determined in my heart that I wouldn’t allow myself to go into something I wasn’t ready for. This thought was not me quitting, giving up, settling for someone else instead of him by putting this relationship on hold. And this most importantly, was not myself saying that I did not want him or that I want to watch someone else have him instead. Not only that, I didn’t owe anyone an explanation or to give them something in return, since I would wait years before seeing him from this time. It was our relationship, it would be our engagement and marriage down the road and some people thought they had the right to get involved with him since we were on a break! As far as I was concerned, we decided we weren’t ready and that was never a license to get involved with someone else. Yes, there were actual people believing, hoping that I would never return or that they would have the chance to be with him, and I resented this so much. And they were definitely doing things to aggravate, embarrass and make me the fool, but I will tell you they were no match for me, because they saw me stand my case. I made it clear he was mine and no one could ever separate what we had established, and what god had created for US. I don’t mean to downplay or make those girls feel that I am inferior but this is my man and they were trying to take what is mine, which I can’t allow. To those girls, just put your feet in my shoes for a second, how would they feel if someone was trying to take from you what is yours? End of story. Even throughout all my happiness, he would soon leave me with another woman. Her name is Michelle Parsons. So I had to talk to him. “What is all of this John, you know what this means? It means that you could fall in love with her and that is my greatest fear. Why would you put your self in a position that compromises and does not value us or our relationship?” Sarah would say. It’s not like that Sarah. That’s far from the truth. We are just friends. And you think this might not be long? No. I will be right back here when I can! “When you can? What does that mean John? We have agreed to six months, nothing more than that, you shouldn’t be spending that much time with her!” “It means that I don’t know the definite time but six months seems fair. I don’t have all the answers, Sarah.” “Ya, right, six months” thought Sarah, truly. At this time she was not thinking there would be a problem with the timing as much as how easily it will be for people to fall in love when they are away from someone else they love, as we would be. I know this was basically all my idea. The Chapters guy was definitely flirtatious (his name was Mike) and John didn’t like this, but now that I had seen this other woman, I don’t think I like the idea of moving away for a while. Holding her hand John goes on, “Sarah, you know my feelings for you and you are the light in my life, but I need space too as you do right now. I wish I could stay. But I must go now” as I opened the passenger door and that would be my last time seeing him in god knows how many years. They hugged outside of the car, and he said he loved me. “I do too,” said Sarah. “I hope our feelings and love strengthens and never fades away,” she goes on. John says, “It won’t.” They kiss. So she left, as they held hands for the very first time, and she finally let go of his hands as she gradually walks away. She cried, in her car as he drove in the opposite direction and she was relieved he didn’t see her then. “How stupid,” she thought, “to be crying over a man who evidently doesn’t love me enough to stay close to me. This is not the kind of love that I ever imagined. If he loved me, he’d be here but he has made the choice to leave. I know he has all these reasons for leaving and I have all these reasons for not dating right away. So I am overruled - I am right, he is right, a separation would do us some good, I guess. What I want doesn’t count though and this is reminiscent of the past, which I hate; and now here’s hoping his heart is mine forever, even if not in a physical way. I have already told you about how we met at a Chapters in Edmonton, and how our love affair got started there. We talked about ultimate frisbee, medicine and I have left out a few details of our time there. To get straight to it, John was not the only man I had talked to at Chapters. I had with another man. First of all, I did not care about any other man in my life the way I have for John. Nevertheless, I go on. This guy was talking to me at the cash registers and just started randomly giving me a hug and a back massage. Further to this, John was upstairs on his computer and all I could see was his very muscular and sexy arms and back. Those arms, oh my god, my favourite thing about him, but at this point I could mainly see the muscles protruding from his hoody. “Yes, I am very well taken care of in this respect. I have lots of muscle to admire for the rest of our days together here on earth,” I thought. This man giving me a hug at work seemed a little inappropriate and John was probably seeing all of it. I mean, what was I to do? Tell him to stop and embarrass him while John carries on at his computer. Well I suppose if I had known this would upset a man that I actually love, typing at his computer and watching the strength of his muscles through his clothing, I may have done things differently. I realize that this is not all my fault though. A man will pursue you despite all his challenges, so I was waiting for this to happen. A girl can not give up, but hope and trust in devotion first to god, then man, that man will come around despite challenges and no matter the circumstances. The point is that without knowing, I was technically doing him something very wrong. I swear I did not know this offends and drives men away. Without mentioning the more personal details, I will just say we had discussed that this exchange of intimacy and response to that was just a miscommunication. He also said, coming from his own mouth, that we were on the verge of dating! This is more his explanation for describing why he left and sadly this moment could have been the catalyst causing him to leave and start to drift away from me eventually. So here’s this guy, overweight and so disgusting to me because John was just lets be honest a hunk, or in my mind I understand him to be a very attractive man. Wouldn’t any man who was in love with a woman, and I know him to have been at this time, whom saw this taking place with another man, be jealous? Well of course, I realize in retrospect now. But then, it was just fun for me, so I had no idea that at this moment it would drive him away from me. But I assure you our miscommunication did not end there, many things were going in so many directions with so many factors pulling him away from Edmonton. BUT this would be the challenge for him. Will he get over this rejection? Would he even love me? Is this something he can overlook and forgive? Time would tell and he would have to discover these very things separate from me and not ACTUALLY dating as we both had hoped. The pages will reveal these truths in times to come. Why do women do this? Why do men react so to the woman they love? I would like to explain that later as we look into the male psyche as to why men run away????? Well I know that My thinking is he was just a friend, I didn’t want the overweight man but I was attracted to ONLY the idea of having a man take interest in me. For me it wasn’t that I didn’t love John or him to me, it was just a matter of putting our connection and love on hold. This would set the course for everything I was looking for in the next five years, to be attached but not interested or in love with a man. Just freedom. Just being myself. Not controlled. Trusting in each other that this was the right course to take was a challenge because despite all the effort we had already made; things we had experienced sort of crumbled and were wasted in one decision to part ways. The truth is we both had our reasons for letting go at this time. And miraculously, our reasons were quite the same. So we sat down for dinner one night, to talk about this, resolve it, reminisce on all that god had done in our lives and what would be a conversation about how we will go from here. We get to the restaurant and I can see John looking ahead a lot and another lady flagged him down, while he asked me to just wait at the table where we were going to sit. It must have been the lady he talked of, and he said they were going to be hanging out one night, to which I wasn’t very happy at all. So what was going to be a pleasant date night turned into a trio. He introduced me to her. She came over and this is how it went! “Hi, my name is Michelle, I’m John’s friend!” she said. “Oh, really?” I said. John spoke and asked, “Can she sit here with us, I just want us to talk about something, all three of us?” Well I didn’t really have a choice! So I agreed and what was to follow did not bug me at all. “What’s the HARM” I thought, and that is very true - what’s the harm with having a friend. So here we went on talking about it. Sitting down on our seats in the restaurant, John says, “I think it’s a good idea if Michelle and I take off for a while,’ he said. “And where does that leave me?” “Well if it’s okay with you, we can just be gone for let’s say, six months, to give you some space, to let you think about us for a while. I don’t want to scare you or inconvenience you in any way and certainly not control you.” He goes on. “Based on everything we have discussed until now, it seems like we both like each other but because of our history, this is not the greatest time for us.” “Ok, so you’re choosing her over me?” (In a sense that’s what he was doing but because this was a friendship, I did not put up a fight). To which he replied, “No, no, this is not what I’m doing! I don’t want you to feel controlled the way you have described. I know you to be a woman who likes your space, so I don’t want to take that away from you. If you want space, I want to give it to you.” “Okay,” I said. “You are very right and accurate in telling me this. But I am very uncomfortable with you leaving with another woman. This has happened to me in my past and I have always expected the man to choose me. So I’m not happy with this. But I am going to let you do it because I’m not a control freak and I will not hold you back on your decision.” Michelle jumps in. “What John is saying is true. We’re not in a relationship beyond that of friendship!” I wasn’t going to reveal certain things to her because I didn’t want to seem weak, but my greatest fear was now happening or had the potential to happen down the road! “I know, Michelle, but hear from my point of view. He’s leaving with another woman, period. That could make things complicated, confusing and uncomfortable because he’s not here for me at all, but for you.” “Well he’s saying he wants to give you space because you want it. And he has other reasons because of his past as well” “well, let’s have some supper and talk it over, but like I said I’m not going to control you and tell you to stay with me, because of my reasons and because of yours.” I said. And at the end of dinner, I said to John, “we need to talk alone about this!” which he agreed to do. Just after supper, they talked. “What is all of this John, you know what this means? It means that you could fall in love with her and that is my greatest fear. Why would you put yourself in a position that compromises and does not value us or our relationship? It’s not like that Sarah. That’s far from the truth. We are just friends. And you think this might not be long? No. I will be right back here when I can! “When you can? What does that mean John? We have agreed to six months, nothing more than that, you shouldn’t be spending that much time with her alone!” “It means that I don’t know the definite time but six months seems fair. I don’t have all the answers Sarah.” “Ya, right, six months” thought Sarah, truly. At this time, she was not thinking there would be a problem with the timing as much as how easily it will be for people to fall in love when they are away from someone else they love, as we would be. I know this was basically all my idea. The Chapters guy was definitely flirtatious and John didn’t like this, but now that I see this other woman, I don’t think I like the idea of moving away for a while. Holding her hand John goes on, “Sarah, you know my feelings for you and you are the light in my life, but I need space too as you do right now. I wish I could stay. But I must go now,” as I opened the passenger door and that would be my last time seeing him in god knows how many years. They hugged outside of the car, and he said he loved me. “I do too,” said Sarah. “I hope our feelings and love strengthens and never fades away,” she goes on. John says, “It won’t.” They kiss. So she left as they held hands for the very first time, and finally releases his hands as she gradually walks away. She cried, in her car as he drove in the opposite direction and she was relieved he didn’t see her crying. “How stupid,” she thought, “to be crying over a man who evidently doesn’t love me enough to stay close to me. This is not the kind of love that I imagined. If he loved me, he’d be here but he has made the choice to leave. I know he has all these reasons for leaving and I have all these reasons for not dating right away. So I am overruled - I am right, he is right, a separation would do us some good, I guess. What I want doesn’t count though and this is reminiscent of the past, which I hate; and now here’s hoping his heart is mine forever, even if not in a physical way. Another and final part of saying goodbye was the house church gathering, just minutes before he left. He would come up to me and say that he was glad I came, and I just said that I was happy to be here. But at one time I joined him with a group and asked him what he will be doing, where he was going! He humbly said he would skiing with a “girl” and I was actually quite happy with this. How bad could it be going skiing? Soon after that, he left. Only thing I didn’t like was how he was staring me down, from a sweater to very tight pants. I mean if you’re going to leave and I respect that, but if you’re going to spend time with someone else, I will not be there physically and emotionally for you. It’s only fair. Walking into the big city was like a dream come true! It’s one of those places with lots of things going on at one time. Whyte avenue was one of those places where restaurants and bars were opened everywhere from afternoon until early in the morning. That restaurant where they served Mexican food was great. I went there with Ang, Amy and Brenna at different times, I absolutely loved it! I even went there with the girl I met and went to hang out with Luca that day! They had dips, the dips came with guacamole, beans, sour cream, and the rest was just basic taco stuff like salsa, ground beef; and they may have had rice as well in this big, huge taco shell. I actually went there with my parents too, and that would be my first time going to eat at this restaurant. The interior of the restaurant was dressed up with some Mexican theme, bright colors everywhere on the wall, the bar was situated in the middle for easy access. So there I was passing it one day, maybe my first time, chapters was just a block away and there was an italien restaurant just across from it, and below it was this extravagant shop that sold perfumes, household decorations and souvenirs, you know, one of those. I would visit it when I was bored or just wanted to tour the city alone. I picked up this perfume and it smelled like a combination of oranges and ginger with a hint of a perfume smell. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. I would think of him a lot down there. Not in the ways I did when I was upstairs, or in a restaurant or out with my friends! I guess when I was out shopping I would think of him because I’d always want him with me and I always love it when men take me out shopping! It’s like that provider instinct that men have and women love It’s got that feeling that men love shopping with a woman they’ve just met or if you’re married you take your wife out because that’s just what she likes to do. It actually happened one time in this same city with an old friend of mine. But anyways, this guy took me out when I first got to Edmonton, we looked into a painting store where they were displaying different paintings the artist had done themselves. He was just trying to show off the fact that he was quite loaded and could buy this for me or for himself! (I think.) And I liked that! You know, it’s about security, protection and being successful. So that whenever I went into that store below Chapters, I would always think of him doing that with me, and more importantly, it felt like John was right there with me. It made me happy because it felt great to know that one day he would be here, buying me something or that that was something he would do in the future! My friend Josh, he’s the one who took me to the paintings store, and I, actually went to a restaurant at the mall together! It really was a way for me to kind of check him out, you know, get to know him, because he had always been sort of hanging out with me in familiar places at home. I can’t say that I remember much but he did have a lot to say about religion. This was the same visit as us going to see the paintings. He blessed me so much. I needed someone to show me how a girl should be treated, after all the damaging effects of my previous breakups! He was very nice to me to do all of that, and with nothing in return, I am free to say that he is a good friend indeed. We hung out at his place also, we sat down on his front porch. Nevertheless, I was going through one of the toughest times, this was like a year or two of knowing John. He was away with the other woman and it felt like I did not have anything in terms of a love relationship. We were not on speaking terms at this time at all! Josh was there at a time when I was sad and lonely. He says,” I’m so depressed right now!” and I answered back the same. So it was nice to have a friend that could sympathize, empathize with my emotions. It didn’t end there, I loved spending time with the guy so I let him tell me about all his excursions to the Asian countries since he is a frequent visitor. He did tell me was that he felt like Asia had a slower paced society and with Canada and North America’s fast paced society, it is always nice to go there! I suppose it made feel relaxed and with no need to rush to get stuff done, as it is in a developed country like ours. I quite identified with him on those two things, my sadness and my need for relaxation at this time. John was away with her and I was stuck dealing with this emotional pain. I’m not complaining, I’m just saying how great this relationship was to me and I am really grateful. There’s lots more to say but those stories, moments don’t really prepare me for love the way I would love John and need that love forever! He also told me to watch out for “Italien” men while being in Edmonton and that just shocks me today because John comes from an Italien family! Oh, the odds! I had two boyfriends in the years that I was away from John but I will only talk about one. And I had a couple of men that became close to me but never ventured quite that far. I don’t really know why because I was never the type to have a boyfriend so that was my high for a while. I know the reader may be shocked by this considering my history, but that is the truth. Anyways, these two relationships did not last long. I have never seen myself so excited to be in a relationship as when I met dan, though. He was tall, had dark hair but not the greatest looking guy. He played squash and I really like that only because I think they do themselves a favor by staying busy and occupied with outdoor activities. I guess it’s like a replacement to doing other pointless activities that you could do in the house or spend time doing things you shouldn’t otherwise do. I know video games are considered a good use of time these days to some, but I prefer men who participate in physical activities outside. Anyways, back to dan, he was officially my first boyfriend after John left. I think he could have done anything with his life because I think he could have accomplished anything but he went into public health. He would make a superb health inspector. One day he walked into my life at a time I didn’t expect any man to ask for my number. I was having so much fun except that I couldn’t keep John off of my mind and this relationship helped me get to a place of letting go. I would never let him go completely but dan took all my rejection away and healed me to the core of all my negative emotion toward John. So he asked me for my number and that night my life changed forever. He said, “hi, my name is dan”, I said hi back because I just was thinking I don’t want to deal with this right now! I didn’t want to get involved with a man but after three years with no John and not knowing when I would see him again and hold him or kiss him again, I gave into the charms of one man whom stopped my life and his life for a temporary pause. He was sincere, he was persistent and he convinced me that I should take his number and give him a try. Well I said, ”why do you want to me to give you my number? Of all the girls here you’ve chosen me and I want to know why”, I said. You can tell, I was giving him a hard time. I wanted to see him fight for me, wanted to see him want me because I was in a place where no one had really done that for me, I needed that! He exuded confidence that was like a power that took over me, and all my regrets and pain of John leaving. Anyway, he continued. “Because I love the way you dance and I think you’re an attractive woman.” Well, because I was about to leave and I was feeling tired, I told him I’d consider giving him a call. That was it! Simple. And that night would put a great smile on my face as I finally felt like I had what I was looking for, someone who genuinely wants me. Dan was officially my boyfriend. The day I met Michelle Parsons had a lot more significance than you would think of. Though I’m thankful that she was sort of with John to leave the city for a break, I was still intimidated for the longest time. As you can see, her presence was very welcomed by my love interest John, and they were off to have some fun together. As the reader, you may be thinking that the writer has taken the attachment of these two a little far, but you shall see just how likely it is for any woman to take this very seriously. The intentions of the Parsons were indeed also expressed from her father and mother. She was a tall woman, slim and a beautiful smile, brown hair and in love with her husband these last thirty years. They had been long time friends with the Reynold’s, John’s parents, so much so that they would visit each other on a frequent basis; which I have to say Sarah was not even used to, adding onto her insecurities of this! They not only had a friendship, but also a family relationship they so call it! This one day Michelle’s mom Bernice was expecting John’s family to come for lunch, living just on the north side of the city. It was still early in the morning and she was having her mug of tea, and gently but kind of mad about the situation with John and Michelle, forcefully places her mug on the counter ready to be sipped. She was not in the greatest of spirits, after hearing the news of what would become of her daughter with John. You see, she had great plans and high hopes of their union. John calling her earlier said, “I have met the woman of my dreams,” he said to her, “ This is happening for six months and then this woman is going to be in my life. It’s not going to be anything more than that! I don’t want to lead you guys on if this works out, I need you to be aware of this. It’s hard on this new girl” he said to Bernice. “John, Michelle loves you and we have been here for you for years and now you’re just going to throw it away over another love. You can work this out, you’re just choosing not to. I can’t believe this is happening. You’re just choosing one rich life over the other.” “Yes, that is what I’m doing. She is beautiful, sweet and trustworthy and always caring towards me.” “Aren’t you aware that Michelle is all of those things. You just need to believe in yourself and commit to it!!” said Bernice. “I’m not going to do this, I’m calling to let you know where I stand and I will not change my mind.” “Alright, well, see you soon.” “I’m not coming, I have things to do today.” “Well, you and Michelle need to talk about this. This is not going to go over well with her.” “She already knows and she’s fine with it.” “She’s not fine with it, she’s only acting that way because she doesn’t want to lose you” It’s very true that the Reynolds were close with the Parsons but John was falling in love with Sarah and wanted her in his life! As his mom was sitting at home one day, the day that John met Sarah, this is how it all played out for them, his family. His parents were still living close by one day, and John knew this was something that he needed to tell them. Eyes raised, ambition soaring and full of excited anticipation, his mother couldn’t be more thankful in her life that this woman was in town and interested in her son. This had always been her dream, her hearts desire – this is how I see it anyway. What Sarah had known about her and her husband was that they were good Christian people who want the best for their children so to be honest, Sarah never doubted that they would want her. Anyways, his father is like the wild card in this story, however. Because throughout this entire story it’s him that will make it stop, their love affair, if he can! He’s the one that wants the union with Michelle, in my estimation. He’s the one advising his son in all he had to do for Sarah, from a fatherly point of view. This means that there are some things that happened which Sarah was never in agreement to do, and her biggest guess was it all came from his father. Since he fell In love with her at this point, somewhere at Chapters, he announced to his family that he had found a new girl. When he broke it to his mom especially, she was ecstatic! Anyways here it comes! “Oh my gosh son, where did you meet her! We haven’t seen her in ages! But it seems we saw her like yesterday because time sure flies when you miss the people you care about!!” “Ok, it’s such a coincidence because she’s working at the same place that I go to for studying – Chapters!” “Well, what happened?” “Nothing really, but we met there!” “Well, did you introduce yourself or say something to her, this is what I want to know,” said his mom. “Ya, we said hi and so far we have talked about my dislocated shoulder, school when I walked up to her one day and music and ‘life’ when I invited her to sit down one day.” “Wow, that’s awesome. And what has her response been, do you think she likes you? “Well ya, I think so, or else she wouldn’t talk and say much to me!” As his mom sips her tea, she places it on the countertop gripping really tightly and placing it very firmly but gently. She turns her face to her son, taking everything in that he’s said to her and finally responds, “Go for it John, she’s more beautiful than ever. I always liked her. It was many years ago and you were young but now you’re older and ready for each other. She seems like a really nice girl to pursue!” “Exactly,” he said in response, “I love being with her.” “You do? That’s great. That’s a good sign!” she says enthusiasticly. And that was the end of the conversation that he had with his mother. He always felt like she was the one parent he would share these things with! Everybody has one that he or she prefers to discuss touchy and delicate information with and this time he thought it would be her! She’s open, communicative, caring and thoughtful, especially in this situation you can never have too much of those things. But he liked to take things slowly and so he was determined to think this through and be careful. He does have a past and Sheryl seemed a little guarded and protective of herself. It’s not at all that she seemed uninterested but something about her was held back. She is dazzling and very attractive, almost mesmerizing, and so she just wanted to make sure she was on board as much he was, she was comfortable and where she was going in her life at this time. However, he was drawn to her this time in a super attractive way, in what she does in her life, in her beauty and her sweet way of talking; so if she wanted to be with him he was sure he could make that happen then and there! But time would tell because she seems that very overconfident type, they know what they want, but that may mean she might not want it with him! So he thought he would take his mom’s advice lightly, cautiously, because Sarah was the girl of his dreams and he wanted everything to work out perfectly between himself and her. Sarah’s family is always a very pleasant one and everyone they meet want to be around them. The Sheppard’s are sure a beauty to behold. They had five kids, a father, a doctor but not like their grandfather who was a medical doctor, and a hardworking, dedicated mother who surely wanted the best for her children. She came from Jamaica, fleeing from war between the blacks and whites, before she came to Canada, at 18 years of age. Along with two other sisters in Canada, who were already settled and living there, she got herself a job in a bank! As her parents sat down one day, cups of tea in hand and gently placing them on the table - her husband always gets this prepared for both of them! First her cup, as she places it gently on the kitchen table, her husband follows suit right behind her. It’s really not like them to put off their eldest daughter from pursuing her dreams, but this was a serious time for Sarah. She would be completing an education degree, John was trying to get into medicine and it was not working out for him at this time. He had a previously broken relationship and same with Sarah. So her parents felt that he should go away for a while and give her some space. The conversation he had with the father after meeting Sarah just A FEW TIMES went like this!... “You want to date my daughter? Interesting,” Sarah’s father said. “Yes I do; she’s a very nice, sweet girl” “Well tell me a bit about yourself, what is going on in life for you?” “I’m going into medicine, I play ultimate and I’m going to a church where the pastors name is Galan, says John. “But the thing is that I haven’t got accepted yet and I’m going to try for next year!” “What did you do for your undergrad because I understand you have to complete one to apply!” “I studied at Oral Roberts for exercise science,” stated John. “Well,” her dad says, “Sarah is also just getting into school except with her she needs to focus on that right now.” “Well I am too but we could help each other out and influence each other to do well, it would be good for both her and I in that way!” said John “Son, I’m thrilled for you guys but she does need her privacy or she gets distracted - she doesn’t need anymore of that.” Most times her father wouldn’t stop her from doing things she wants to do but this time was a big commitment that he didn’t want her to waste. She was going into Education to be a teacher and John was obviously trying to make his way through medicine, so her parents told him of their excitement but also their reservation in them having any relationship at this time. Of course, this left John kind of bittersweet; however, Sarah would be on their side because he would find out she doesn’t think this is a good time to date! So she’s very interested at this point but holding back for the sake of their future. Not to worry to the reader, their future would one day be very bright. Don talked to his wife that night and they knew that this was the kind of guy that they always wanted for their daughter. He was of the right age, going into a respectable profession, one very cherished in their family and a very nice person. This was one thing he would repeatedly say throughout this journey: “I like the guy.” So things were looking up for him, but he didn’t know that this would be the smoother side of the road, that there would be many challenges ahead of him in trying to secure her as his girlfriend and later on, wife! He was crazy about her. She was nice, she was beautiful and everything he ever wanted in a girl. He also had his own reservation in simply wondering how this was going to go, would she accept him later on. In this story, he would have to hold onto faith and hope for the best because the families would hold off from them being together for another eight years. He didn’t care, which is why he would hold on to the very end for her. This was the kind of girl, he determined, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. But he didn’t know if it would work out or if she was serious enough. So why did you leave the way you did? asked Sarah, looking at John in the eyes as she walked toward him for the first time in 8 years. “With everything going on in my life as well as yours, I had just got out of a painful relationship and did not want to burden you with my past,” he said. Well it turns out that I felt the same way. And this part of our relationship has already been mentioned, how my husband-to-be left so I will not dwell on that but I got to say it felt like heaven to see him! “How are you doing Sarah, it’s been a long time and I would love to hear how you have been doing?!” said my John. “I am quite good, I have missed you but you were always on my mind, every second of every day; I am good now that you’re here. How about you John, what are you up to these days?” “I’m going into medicine, just doing a couple of courses to prepare myself for it.” “I gotta say I was not expecting the doctor’s thing but that is so awesome” and we went on and on talking about our lives and what had brought us together, here right now. Right before we left each other, knowing that I was going into education, he told me to be careful that I get my application in on time. “I just want to say that I am not mad at you and I have been in the past, but all that has changed now; and I don’t want you to have like this negative cloud hanging over your face so please don’t worry about it. Even while I was mad, I still loved and wanted you so you should not be fearful of anything.” “Okay,” said John, “I love you.” And of course I said, “same, what I always say about you.” “Love you and can’t wait to do all kinds of fun things with you.” I said. “What would you want to do?” said John And on we went, hands together and smiling away as we just basked in the arms of each other, my hands around his neck. Caressing his chest, to show my undying love for him, and I began to tell him, “Oh John, how I have missed you and I am so glad that you here with me. When I think of what could have happened between us, and similarly what didn’t, I am so very happy with what happened between us some 8 years ago”, Sarah said to him. “You know it was all for you” he answered as she contemplated everything that had happened. She goes on, “I longed for you so many times, and if it weren’t for the books I was reading and the absolute generosity of people’s encouragement, I may have fallen apart!” ‘Yes, but you know I have been by your side and in love with you for all those years” “And you did not see any other woman as a potential love in all those years, my love, just to put that out there?” “I never loved a soul as I did then and do now and continue to as we get to know each other and spend time together, as years go by,” said he. “Honey, I think it was the hardest part to see so many couples in front of me and never being able to share and express our love to each other, between you and I. What do you think about that?” she said. “I feel the same way, I wanted and loved you just as much as you did for me,” he said back. Let us go to the park and see if we can have a nice stroll,” said John, completing their conversation. After the stroll in the park, we decided to go out for lunch, and all the years we were separate I stumbled upon a restaurant called “the hidden restaurant;” and I always wanted to go there as I walked by it some two or three times. It seemed perfect for us, with the same feeling of being separate from the world because it was quite secretive looking. The drapes of the window were covering it though not completely and the way the building for the restaurant was situated made it kind of look pushed back so it was quite hard to notice it there. Nevertheless, I did remember this restaurant and wanted him to take me to it sometime we were back in town. So we went there. It’s not like this scene of the restaurant is necessarily showing that we were so oblivious to what was going on at the time we were in love, in that sense of being hidden. The restaurant as hidden in its title, does not necessarily mean that we were out of reality or not understanding what was really going on, like other women, other men etcetera; but she chose to believe this love was being protected, saved and thereby hidden from the world while we were separated. We had talked about this, in that sense, a lot over the years, that we were very glad no one sort of came between us, wrecked our love, got in the way of our love for each other, because of how we protected it. “Can you imagine, as bad as that interference is today, how bad it would be if we didn’t have the freedoms that we’re dealing with now?” and he agreed with her, saying, “Yes, I do like the way that it turned out!”… THE END